


No hero

by SignsTimeMemory



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Emotional Baggage, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Supernatural Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2018-10-13 15:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10516638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignsTimeMemory/pseuds/SignsTimeMemory
Summary: Alex and Kara's bond is strong,their love as sisters knows no boundaries.Just like we know:Kara Zor-El became a Danvers as soon as she touched earth,but with a twist.Something went wrong,and the two sisters were left relying on each other more than ever,for  both human and alien things.





	1. Chapter 1

 

                                                                               _I can't jump over buildings,I'm no hero,but love can do miracles_

_I can't outrun a bullet,I'm no hero,but I'd take one for you,if you need me to_

                                                                                                                                _I'll be there(No hero-Elisa)_

Alex braced her body for the fall,and soon found herself colliding with the concrete road behind the bar she had just been into.Another bar fight,after another night spent getting drunk.She'd go,get too many drinks,make out or have sex with a disgusting man she would've never seen again,or ever remembered;get herself in a fight,which 9 out of 10 times she hadn't started,as she already had enough to fight during the day,then get thrown out,hopefully without getting herself killed in the process.Luckily there was always somebody to pay for her,money had become pretty tight.She knew it was unhealthy,but it was the only way she knew to make herself better.At twenty-one, Alex Danvers knew what it was like to get bursted lips,and black eyes,and swallow down her pride and hiding her pain.But she was a survivor.The nostalgia of such days,which had her trying to just forget,had her going back to how she had acquired some of those scars.Trying to help Kara,trying to protect Kara.She had learned too soon there was worse of than the bullies she had faught off for Kara at school who had bothered her little sister,when she had introduced her to that world.She had learned too soon what it was like to have blood running down your face,and was pretty aware to not be beautiful,or anything special,if the scar running along the right side of her face going from her forehead to under her chin was any indication.Human offenders from the neighborood,they had been  bothering Kara,she had acted,and they had broken a beer bottle in her eye,not damaging the inside luckily,because she had been clever enough to shut it out of reflex.Alex was just seventeen.But ever since then it had never shut the right way,ever since then she had learned to avoid improvised weapons,and thanked the Lord she hadn't been stabbed to death with it.If only to avoid herself the act she would've to put on in order to make her sister think she was fine.And isn't easy,when you're awake the whole time as they take care of you.Alex thought tha maybe that accident was the reason why she had started drinking.The alcohol was getting to her she knew.She had drank very few,in her life before,before everything happened,she had barely done it at parties;and the day after they were shoving whiskey down her troath.Alex had never drunk ,but they hadn't cared and used it,because she couldn't stop shaking from the pain,and they were gonna pour it on her wound as well,and there was gonna be a lot of screaming.

There were no money for surgery,or an hospital to go to without being denounced.Kara was a minor,still.She wouldn't let them take her away.

With such dark thoughts in her mind,she stumbled through the streets,till she didn't get to her block.A run down bunch of old,broken houses,all lumped together,some even half collapsed,in the bad side of the city.The houses were full of cracks,and leaks,and most coudn't pay the bills,so at night the main road was plunged into darkness.The few cars which were there had at last a bloom of dust to them,more or less like her broken down bike.Stolen bike,not exactly hers.She stole out of necessity,not pleasure.

Whenever she left,it coasted her to leave Kara alone,but she couldn't trust into anybody,so Alex had studied,all by herself.She had studied books,she had followed researches her parents had made,she had resolved to shutting down,locking the house everyday till she hadn't been back,and lined it with light pieces of reproduced kryptonite to tone down Kara's powers.She had had to steal,traffic things whose names and uses she mostly didn't know,worked almost to the point of blowing the whole apartment up.Day and night,worked out,learned to shoot and fight,for years now she had known how to and she finally felt a bit more confident that if something had happened she would've known what to do .Most of the aliens couldn't have known where they were,but there had been some attacks,they were never safe enough.

Alex bent,looking down at the dark road to fight the dizziness,and the nausea.She knew such "fun"was hurting her,but she would rather be the one to hurt,than let Kara see how evil the world truly was and take away every shred of innocence she had left in her. It was why she never wanted Kara to get out on that street at night,as shootings and murders,between aliens,or gangs had already happened,and would've soon happened again,she was sure.

For the moment,however,Alex chose to stay there till the waves of dizziness han't been over,and she had been sure there was nothing left to throw up.

Slowly she stood back up,and climbed all the flights of stairs to their apartment.A four rooms one,on the sixth floor without elevator,because it was broken and nobody had the money to fix it.Still with a massive headache bothering her,she unlocked the door,which she was sure would've soon come off it's hinges.

"Kara.Kara,kiddo,I'm back"

She heard the trademark sound of Kara marching into the room and soon enough her younger sister emerged from the bedroom they shared.

She shuffled to the couch,and sat,everything always looking down. 

"I'm sorry,little bear,I didn't mean..."

Kara didn't let her talk,she just hugged her tightly,almost too tightly,and Alex however strong it was appreciated the moment and the timing,and did the same.There would've been no words shared that day,and Alex was okay with it. She hugged Kara,as her sister fell asleep,rocking her,and humming a lullaby,till she didn't fall asleep,in her arms.

Only then,did she let herself think about it.Soon it would've been 6 years since that day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets in trouble,the type of trouble which changes your life,forever.

At the end of everyday,Alex didn't even know why they hadn't thrown her in to never let her out again,yet.It was usually short stays,thankfully,but she was sick of it.Most of the times she hadn't done anything,anyways.The first time it had happened she had been so scared.If they had known,what she was hiding,they would've taken Kara away.It had been a short lived stay and when she had left there had been no consequences.Of those times it had happened,Alex was sure she had to have gotten lucky.The day she had been told about foster care she had taken that decision quickly,gotten everything ready and fleed Midvale,with Kara on tow.She had hardly ever looked back.Alex had left with lots of hopes,but within months she had landed herself in juvie and been bailed out,to live a life in hiding,in a new city:National city,and under another name.Alexandra Hart.She looked at the stars from the tiny window above her,as she sat on the floor of the cell.Down at the precinct people were not suprised to see her anymore.Alex would've wanted them to know that Alexandra Hart didn't really exist,that she was a Danvers,and there had been a time she had been happy.She had changed her identity to not be found,but Alex would've given the world to have anybody to tell who she was and why she did what she did.Anybody to understand her for who she truly was.Not the one who always somehow ended up in jail,who had to steal in order to live,and hide a sister the authorities couldn't know about,so had to keep giving false infos about where she lived and what she did as well;but the one who was grateful for what her parents had given her,for having such a wonderful sister as Kara;the one who had had no scars,and the worst she had ever had was the one on the arm from the day she had first gone out with Kara,and her little sister had unusually accepted the crowd which had formed around when she had saved that woman and her baby.Kara didn't always like crowds,they had the power to make her feel claustrophobic,though Alex felt guilty at times,cause they didn't get to go out a lot because of the constant danger.Kara would  often find herself waching her steps,and thinking people would'v deemed her unworthy of friendship,just because awkwardness would often ensue.So she would retreat in her world and let go of any kind of affection she could've tried to show.But the times she accepted the love, made Alex feel happy.Kara had so much love to give that she didn't always know how to show,or wasn't able to.To the people who knew her,however, she could be very affective.

Alex's memories and thoughts were halted by the cell door opening,and sh jumped up half-startled.

"Alexandra Hart?"

She found herself nodding out of habit,but didn't look up.

"I'm just here to ask a few questions,and if you've nothing to do with this,you'll be free to go".This time she really hadn't done anything.She did fights,but this one and the mess after it wasn't her doing.

"Ok"but still,she didn't look up.

"I'm detective Maggie Sawyer,science division"

"Miss Hart,you're in the bar,did you see anything out of place before the fight happened?Did you know any of the offenders?".

"Alex...I'm and No,I...look...I.."Only then did she dare to look the detective in the eyes,and she was struck,totally.

"I reallly don't..."and the stuttering went on.This time not out of shame,but pure admiration.

It was a woman,around her age,totally fresh out of detective academy,and stunning.Now she stumbled over her words for totally different reasons,but she didn't know what it was that had her feeling closer to the detective.

"Easy Hart,I'm not gonna frame you if you didn't do anything."

"So I'm like... your jurisdiction as well, now?Mmmm,you're new to me,so you must be pretty new at it."

"What?I was a cop before becoming...a detective"spluttered out the detective,with an head tilt,as she tried to keep serious.

"Detective Maggie Sawyer,this means I was right,is that?"

"You're surely around here a lot,Hart,how else would you know?"

"Got me. You do aliens,is that?"she just wanted to make sure she had heard right.From what she knew,and she knew because her activities weren't supposed to mix up with police's,  none of the women in the science division had also chosen to deal  with aliens,or at last there hadn't been any 'till Maggie hadn't come into it.She hoped Sawyer was better than her collegues,cause they sucked a bit,more like a lot.

Maggie stood up,nodded,and went to leave,but first she turned towards Alex,and smiled.

"You've nothing to do with it,do you?"Alex brought her hands to her hips,and gave her a serious eyeroll.

 

"See you around,Hart"

"Hopefully not here Sawyer"

Maggie left the cell,and Alex sat back down on the floor,with a stupid grin on her face.She knew nothing about the detective she had just met,nor she knew what was the fuzzy warm feeling she had felt when she had finally dared to look up at the person who was questioning her,but she would've given the world to have Maggie Sawyer call her Danvers,and telling her she was capable of doing something right.

Mere hours later,Alex was a free woman again,no charges ,no bail,the stupid grin still on her face.

* * *

 The same stupid grin Maggie had plastered on her face for the rest of the day,while wondering what the hell had happened in that cell.She wasn't supposed to like criminals.Non-sense.She was a cop,a NCPD.But Alex,so she had introduced herself,because apparently she didn't like people using her full name,was a conundrum she would've gladly liked to unravel,and figure out.Maggie would've liked to know what made Alex..Alex.

She was sure there was no stereotype for looking like a criminal,at last to her,but in both the cases Alex didn't look like one.  
Alex's eyes ere too gentle,too deep,they held no evilness,no reason to hurt anybody.Maggie would've looked for her,she would've found out who Alex was.

* * *

 

In the meantime,the other girl was coming back home.The grin hadn't left her for a long time,but Alex also knew that it might be short lived.She was pretty late,and this was not part of the schedule,not part of the routine.She was supposed to be there to help Kara get to sleep,and she had failed.So she came in,but didn't raise her voice to make Kara aware of her presence as usual.She went right for their room,and found her sister sitting on th floor,all flushed,and trembling.Alex kneed in front of her,and knew her sister didn't want eye contact.

"I'm sorry,bear,I got here late,I got in trouble again..."she tried to touch her arm softly,but Kara jerked away.Expected.

"Say something,kid"

When Alex changed schedules,rarely for obvious reasons,Kara would always be like this,and she understood.Her little sister would need her space,her time to cope,to understand Alex hadn't been trying to hurt her,but something major had happened to keep them away from each other.

"You fuck up a lot"

Now,if Alex had been other people,and there weren't lots of people into their lives,but none of them was always good at understanding Kara,no matter how much they loved and cared for her;she would've pobably felt offended by what Kara had said.But the older Danvers had been raising her up for years,and she knew Kara's brutal honesty was never laced with any intention to hurt her.She liked to think that bit by bit she had managed to figure out the way Kara's mind worked,so that the little world they lived into could've understood her sister or at last tried.

"I did,I do."

Alex didn't like to see anxiety in Kara's eyes,or fear,or anything similar;but she was still sitting there waiting.She shall always wait.For her sister to say something,or move,or tell her it was alright to do this or that.It had been no walk in the park to learn it at 15,it wasn't now that Kara was fully into teenagehood.

She was only waiting  for the other shoe to drop,and it did.Kara stood up,and Alex followed her,because soon after there was another hole in the wall.Alex flinched,and went to pray her hand out of it without angering her sister more.It was in these moments she felt thankful Kara couldn't bleed,but it didn't mean she wasn't suffering.

"Kara,stop"

"Hurts"with this word the younger girl sat down on the floor and shut up again.Alex trie to vow herself she would've never pulled this shit on Kara again.

They sat in there for wha felt like hours,till Kara wasn't back in her arms,and Alex couldn't finally stop worrying she had fucked up beyond repair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is Autism awareness day,let's send a message of love to all those special people out there,from who we shall always be ready to learn strength and courage,and a very different but not less important look at life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into the lives of our favourite sisters,and Maggie being her detective detecting self XD.

Kara had a true talent for painting. Alex remembered her parents explaining to her that it was one way for her sister to express herself when she couldn't explain it with words,or didn't wat to. Alex had heard her talk,but to nobody else who was herself. The few words she remembered Kara uttering to her parents got lost in the endless conversations her little sister would have with her,which were usually one way ones,but Alex was willing to listen. They would often et left alone at home. Their parents were apprehensive,but Alex, after a bout of sibling jealousy dictated by Kara turning into the centre of attention  had taken up to it very seriously,and loved watching after her. Lost was also the count of the times Kara had taken up at rewatching the same movie as soon as it was over .The older Danvers had spent long nights falling asleep in front of the tv,and gotten used to just shutting her eyes and sensing Kara around,as she moved and run.

She had been jealous at first of Kara's powers,but realized that if she could get Kara to sit still for a minute,or sing even a line of the cheesy love songs fom old movies she loved,instead of shutting her out of her mind,then some powers she had as well.

Kara had made it a routine out of sitting in front of the window of the living rom to look at the sun,glasses perched on her nose. She would look down at the road,and the buildings around and draw,and paint,whatever she wanted.Days,nights,fields,sometimes even things she remembered from her planet,from Krypton. Alex knew Kara couldn't understand most of those,but as her researches had explained to her she had the abilities of a savant. She could paint,she could sing. No matter her selective mutism,she could speak the world through what she did. Those glasses,after all, had made things easier for her to see,but her hearing had never truly gotten used,never improved.

So there had been headphones since day one.

If Kara had been able to control her powers,without dealing with her disturb,this would've been faced much more easily. But sensory overloads were part of both being on a new planet and presenting an illness which seemed to be the alien correspondant of autism,as it was already a symptom and a characteristic of the human one.

Alex walked up to her and sat by her sister to take off her headphones.

She remembered how her father had given Kara those glasses,and the day they had picked up the headphones. She remembered trying to focus Kara on some music,and how hard it had been at first. Only with those musical type songs she had managed. At times,however,her sister wouldn't listen to anything at all. Except for very few cases,Kara would hardly take them off. Alex had just learned to speak louder.

"Honey,time for dinner"

1..2..3

Kara stood up,and as expected she used her super speed to get to the table,as she almost went down with the whole chair,and regained her balance at the last moment.Alex took her time,but sat by her as usual.

Kara reached for her drink and started pouring it till the glass wasn't full to the brim,and Alex had to snatch the bottle away before wetting the whole table. Surely a better timing than the last time,when her little sister had managed to pour the whole bottle of vinegar on the towel. Then she grabbed the salt,any kind of souce they had,and all the potstickers to herself.Alex caught the fourth and last portion in time,and waited for what Kara would usually do at this point.

"Karaaa,put them down,eat slowly"She added while laughing.

Soon enough she was presented with a potsticker full of sauce,which was more sauce than itself by now. She had made the mistake of dropping one into that same condiment a long time before,and from that moment on,her sister had made it an habit to hand her one from her portions,full of sauce,just for her.

Take away was Kara's weak spot,and Alex couldn't deny her that too. She would always order for at last four people anyways,cause her sister loved to eat. Alien metabolism and everything. And when Kara smiled at her that way,there was no reason to not go along with her.

She followed her with the eyes as Kara stood up to go and get ice cream to eat it walking around,as she usually did.

"Wanna pizza next night?"Kara looked at her with puppy eyes and fell into her definitely giving her best to be a puppy of koala impression.

"You're tempting me...kid"

Kara beamed her way.

* * *

 

Alex went out for rounds at times.She didn't feel safe,so Brian would always give her an hand and keep an eye on Kara,when she couldn't

He was the one who had driven them to National city,the first time. He had given them a place to stay,and he had been understanding of her sister,and how she was,and found them a new identity.Her at last.

At those she considered borders where the road brought to a different place from where they were,and what they knew,which was usually her last stop,she heard sounds of fighting. Pretty decent,but whoever was fighting was being overpowered. The thing was pretty big.

So she run,and took ground from under the alien's feet. Quickly she pulled her gun out and shot it in the head. Those things coul damn read the minds of people,they were the worst,and they must have been coming for them.

"Hart?"

She turned around and spotted Maggie on the floor,looking surprised at her.

"Sawyer,what takes you here?"

"I was looking for you,he sorta ended up in the middle of my researches. I'm impressed,I surely knew you're dealing with aliens,but fighting them.You're good."

"You still look sharp too,Sawyer"

"You ain't bad yourself Hart"

Alex reached out for Maggie's hand ,who grabbed it strongly,to be pulled up.

"Looking for me?Here I am"

She started  walking far away from the houses and more towards the main road,the way for the good,rich side of town.

"You wanna come with me?It's not safe in there. I'm telling you"

"Aaaaand you'd know how?"

"How poorly dark and mysterious would I be if I told you?".

Maggie laughed and agreed. She was a detective after all,she was supposed to detect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to not write Maggie saying Danvers XD  
> The alien I'm quoting,Brian,is that funny pal from eps:2X06, 2x08 and 2x15.I'm sure you all remember him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie keep on being partners in fighting the bad aliens,lots of chats heart to heart. Alex faces her parent's death again,but also the newly made discovery of what she feels for Detective Dimples.

A few nights later they found themselves defeating some big fight club about aliens.

Maggie was glad she had found somebody like Alex.

Alex felt pretty much it was reciprocated,but the jealousy she had felt at watching Maggie kiss that girl,had to be different from anything she had ever felt.It wasn't easy to explain it,but deep inside she thought she knew why Maggie would've never looked at her in a different,better way. The way she had longed to be looked at by somebody who loved her,unconditionally. She was full of shadows,full of scars,Maggie would want to be always bathed in light,Maggie came from a good place,Maggie didn't live in the bad side of the town.

Alex herself wouldn't want to be with herself if she could've.

"Another time."

  
She smiled at Maggie and said her goodbyes.

  
In th following weeks they kept on fighting as a team.

Maggie was very busy,but Alex always found a way to appear at her side and help her. Save her from an alien who meant to incenerate her,and another with odd scales none of the two knew anything about,luckily.

Maggie wondered,many times, why Alex would always want to be in the shadows rather than letting people know she was helping them,but Alex was a woman of few and deep words,a woman who went right to the point.She made her radar whistle and ring like nobody else,and Maggie who had just faced a break up,found that as much as she cared,mostly for the words she had been told,she would've wante Alex there,more than she had ever wanted anybody else to be. Alex ha cared about her feelings telling her that this didn't mean she didn't deserve happiness

She would've liked to be WITH ALEX.

She longed to be with somebody who seemed to understand everything she was.In the couple of months they had known each other,Alex had shown her not only that teamwork was great,but also to be less scared of facing what she felt.But she was afaid.Afraid Alex would've broken her heart,afraid she could've broken Alex's.Afraid that if for a fraction of second Alex had thought of her as more than a friend,she would've jsut been the experience,the one girls wanted from time to time just because they were curious. Or because they had just figured themselves out.

She was afraid she could've sickened Alex with her demeanor,with her insecurities,with her stupid fears.She had told Alex things,she had told Alex it sounded like she was asking her out twice,suggested she might not be as straigth as she had thought herself to be,actually assumed that Alex already knew and was just nervous about asking her out,and Alex had looked at her a bit suprised. Maggie didn't know if utterly terrified,and panicking,or nothing more than surprised .

Either way,Maggie thought it was almost like a lost cause.

Maggie thought,no she was completely sure, she was gonna ruin things again.

  
One of thise nights she was off service,Maggie headed to the alien bar she had introduced to her partner a while ago,went for the bar and got heself a beer.Not far from her she could hear laughter,and voices of man,loud and booming.She turned around and spotted Alex sitting besides those man,aliens,laughing but with a sad look still living in her eyes,she was clealy drunk.Her checks were flustered and she had a glass in her hand,drinking and moving it around when talking.She stalked to the table,worriedly and angrily at the same time.

"Hart"

"Sawyer?"

  
"Everything ok?"

  
"We were talking to the nice lady, get in the line"  
"Look I don't wanna ruin your drunk party,I'm just here for my friend,who happens to be your nice lady."

She didn't even say she was police. Maggie was sure they knew already,but really didn't care.

  
The closest man to her,who was also the one who had sooken u for the rou stood right in front of her with a threatening look in his eyes.

"Do you have a problem with us"  
"My problem is you taking advantage of a girl who's drunk out of her mind,who also happens to be my friend".

He stood up looking menacingly at her,and tried to punch her.

She didn't let herself be intimitated and looked just as menacingly at him,ready to hit him as soon as he had pulled anything on her.

But before he could get to Maggie,or the detective herself could do anything...Alex jumped over the table,breaking a few bottles and knocked him down to not allow him to act out on his anger.Maggie felt both turned on,and incredibly flattered by it.For she had never thought she was worth all this trouble.But she needed Alex to calm down. So she lifted her with some struggle off the alien and brought her out in the cold air of the night.  
She climbed on her bike and helped Alex do the same.  
"Come on we can still have fun"

"You're drunk Hart,let's get you home."

"You don't even know where my home is,you're no fun,detective."

  
"I ll get you there,I was about to find it,I m confident I will pretty soon.Let's go"

  
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.I wanna stay here with you"  
Maggie smiled and let Alex hug her so she couldn't have fallen off,and started her bike.

"I'll get you there"

* * *

 

The cold air cooled her body down a little bit. It didn't exactly sober her up,but it helped her feel better.Her arms around Maggie's waist still held tightly,and she knew she wouldn't have let her fall.  
They stopped at "The Boarder",the nickname the detective herself had given the place,and Maggie helped her down.

She looked at the rundown buildings mere meters from them,and the other woman's eyes shining in the dark with what seemed to be unshed tears,and busted into crying.

"Hart?What's wrong?"

  
Alex turned around so that Maggie couldn't see.

Alex Danvers didn't cry in front of anybody.

Alex didn't cry at all,damn it!

But this was the only day she coud allow herself to.She had to,before climbing the stairs to Kara,and putting her facade back on.She kicked a bottle in the middle of the road aside,till it didn't shatter against the other wall.

"I let her die.We lost him....my parents were good people.I don't even know why you'd want to listne to my the story of my tragic life,my father disappeared I was supposed to keep them safe...one night,I just let my guard down,and mom died..and I hid like a coward,maybe,but she needed to be safe.I needed to make sure"

Alex looked up at the sky,and the stars her father always used to teach her and Kara about.She felt like the same 15 years old,who had grabbed Kara 's hand and escaped,who had bailed her out of foster care before she could get lost into it.

Alex,who had dared to get back into that house,and look at the upturned forniture and the blood everywhere.The one who had punched the world and screamed like a child for her mother,as she looked at her body and shook it.

The one who had driven a car she didn't know how to drive to get Kara away from social services before they could take her.

"You're just a child"

At these words,Alex turned around almost giving herself a whiplash.

"I'm sorry,I need to...be alone...for a bit"

Maggie understood,and nodded. God knew how much it must have coasted Alex to tell her those things. To reveal such a big secret to her. 

"Goodnight Hart"

"Goodnight Sawyer"

Still half drunk,the taller girl turned on her heels and continued down the road to her building.

The detective,let the whole conversation replay in her mind,and found herself following her work partner.

Who was she?What else was hiding behind that sad look?What family did she have left?Had she ever been happy,the way she would've liked to?

* * *

 

"Hey"

"Hey Sawyer,I was worried about you.Heard you had a rough day"

"I did,I' thought I had seen a lot,I guess now I know there are worse things. But enough talking about me. What about you?"

"My whole life,has been about being perfect. Perfect grades,perfect job..."she would've liked to add her sister to the conversation,but rattling Kara out wasn't an option.

"Perfect at everything"

"The only thing I was never good at were dates.So  started thinking it just wasn't for me. I mean I got asked out. I just never liked being intimate. I just..don't know...I thought maybe that's not the way I was built. I never thought it was because of the other...I don't know..And now I just can't stop thinking about..."

"About what you said,you know at that scene"

"About what?"

"That maybe there's some truth to what you said..."

"About?"

"What you said. About me."

She smiled softly at Maggie,and so did the detective at her.

"I have to go"

Even though she was sure,Maggie must have figured something out throughout last night as she cried in an half drunk state,she still held out hope that Kara would've been safe,no matter what. But for the rest of this night,she couldn't stop thinking about what she had just admitted to.The hand touching during their undercover mission,the looks,the awkwad asking out,and the flirting.She felt like she was falling for Maggie Sawyer,and felt absolutely terrified. She had never truly been in a serious relationship,she had never truly known what this kind of love felt like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the fic strays from the canon plotline,I hinted briefly to some events from episode 3 and 4,and made this part mostly about episode 5.  
> Most of the final conversation is taken from the last Sanvers sene in 2x05,with differences according to the plot of the fic.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex makes a confession to Kara,but a day which had started as very good one will soon turn into hell for the older Danvers.

 In the moning she sat Kara on the couch and for the first time got ready to open up about something she felt,rather than what her sister might be feeling. She begged kara with her eyes to understand,and her little alien  sister chose to sit there silently for as long as she had wanted her to. Maggie had adviced her to tell the most important people of her life,and maybe she had gathered that there was a sister in there,but she agreed with her reasoning,and she was also glad that Maggie hadn't said a thing about it.Maybe in time Alex would've been able to tell her.

Just a few hours ago she had been doing her usual hunt,seen a big monster,who was ready swallow anything, watching it be destroyed by some black dressed squad,whose name she didn't know.They had always attracted her attention,Alex had just never found the time to interact with them,nor the will,least they had wanted to imprison her.This life had made her suspicious of anything,and most of the people she saw,met and greeted,sometimes,even. She had learned to let go,every time they were there,apparently, they were kind of making her a favour.It had taken her two years and half to catalogue all the types in National City,and sometimes no. She knew of aliens,a lot.From the jail structure,whose name,"Fort Rozz", she had heard during a mission in the desert to the whole city.They were gonna trap them and make sure nobody would've been hurt because of them.

Now she was here just sitting,waiting to see if she was gonna lose her sister to one of the most important things she had ever felt.To one of those revelations,which had finally helped her figure herself out a bit,more like a lot,better than before.

She reminded Kara of when they still lived with her parents,of how close she had been to a best friend who had betrayed her.

In between the lines her mind really messed with her a few times. However,she wanted Kara to get the full weight of her words,and she also knew she needed to pay attention,and find the best way to make her understand.

"So--y-you like her.How,what's it like?"

"It's like...love...but a different kind....the one which has you kissing and  building great things together,things you don't usually do with others and leaning on somebody and sometimes imagining a future with them.Please tell me you understand."

"I know a secret,Al.Not the same but,not so easy it was for you.I g-get it.What's s-she l-like?"

"She's perfect.She's smart,and....And she's beautiful,so beautiful."

"Then...I imagine,you do it.Go to her,I'll stay here,wait for you."

Ale smiled,through the tears,and snuggled Kara to her chest.

"Never,for one moment,dare to think that you were,or will ever be a burden to me.You're the best thing that happened to me,in this life.We didn't have it easy,but we're still standing,and I will always be there for you"

* * *

 

 Entering that bar was one of the hardest thing.Her heart was beating fast,almost threatening to get out of her chest.

Alex had never been so nervous about anything,or most of the things anyway.

"Hart..."Whatever Maggie said she could't hear much without looking at her beautiful lips,and her gorgeous smile.

"You took my advice"

"I did"

The detective fully beamed at her,and in one second she was enveloped into a warm hug.It was the first they had ever shared,and this wasn't forgotten by Alex.

She just took her chance,tried for once to spin fortune in her favour,and see if for once things could've worked out for her.

Alex kissed Maggie.

She kissed  her like she had never kissed anybody before,with an intensity and feelings she had never put or felt before.

It had been a mix of wonderful feels ever since she had met her.

They parted right after.

"Wow"

"I've been wanting to do this for so long

"Yeha,I can tell"

"Was that not okay?"

"You didn't do anything of wrong."

"But there's something wrong"

"Well...It's just that we're at really different places and everything is gonna be shiny and new for you.And you should experience those things by yourself,not because off me.Being with somebody fresh off the boat. Those relationships dust never really work out....look...I'm here for you but...as a friend.Are we good?"

"Yeah..yeah of course"

She turned around as fast as she could to hide her tears.

"Alex?Alex?"

She'd never remember Maggie had called her by her birth name for the very first time.

 "I get it you know,I do.I'm too much trouble even to myself"

"Alex"

"I have to go"

Alex definitely bailed from that bar,trying to hide her turmoil. She knew what she had said must have stung,but she could find no pity of sorts or peace in her heart right about now.

She had been so fucking stupid. How could she have ever thought Maggie would like her that way?She was unlikable,she was undesirable.How could anybody have ever wanted her. How had she let herself think she was worthy of love?Worthy of somebody like Maggie?If she hadn't left the bar so quickly,she would already be going for the bottle.Again,Alex wasn't supposed to cry,but ever since she had met the beautiful detective,she felt she could've been more open about her emotions.Now,however, she knew nobody could be trusted.Oh,God knew how much she had tried,how she had thought of things to be pefect and paid for  not being so,even if she had always tried. Alex couldn't breathe.

She slipped through those hallways without a care in the world,and totally forgetting he had come by bike,just trying to push back the sobs,and her faltering heartbeats,and an incoming panic attack. She wouldn't know,but somehow she managed to stumble back home,and through the stairs to the apartment,after miles of walking. But by now she was in tears,and she was sure her sobbing had woken up half the building.Alex had managed to avoid a full blown attack,but not the hollow feeling in her chest which was slowly seeping through her body.

The door swung shut behind her,and she waited for Kara to come running into her like everynight.When no sound was heard she slipped more into the apartment throwing the keys aside,on the couch table,and checked out the other rooms. Brian was not there ,nor his trusted friends,cause sometimes thye couldn't and she would have to shut the house by key.This was one of these nights.One way or another Kara had always been shielded.through her,through kryptonite,lead,even her malfunctioning powers had saved her from many situations.Nonetheless her nights out,Kara had never been alone.Even if they had had to change location,from living with Brian to living alone when she was 18,they had always managed.But now she had double checked every room she felt like something had just happened,and she hadn't been iven enough time to realize nd fix it.  What the hell was going on?She  checked every room for a third time and realized Kara wa not hiding as she did sometimes,but was actuallys nowhere to be found.Most of their neighboors were were human she was sure,and those she knew to be aliens,were people she fondly trusted.She knocked at every door,and none of them knew anything about Kara.They all were full of apologies,and some had already asked if she wanted some help.Kara was like a big child and she would often play with other kids of the palace,there was nobody there who didn't like her,or somehow cared for her.Fear seeped through her.Fear the services had found them,which was soon  denied to her.

Then something else came to her.The second of her biggest fears.

If it had been the services she would've known right away.

The bounty hunters had definitely found Kara,and she had no clue who they were and how they had managed  to come in,but they had been carefull and made sure to leave everything in place,though she would've clearly noticed right away.But they,had still come in,and no they held Kara captive,and her sister couldn't protect herself. She didn't know how to.

She felt closer to what Kara felt whenever she was angry,cause she couldn't understand things. She freaked out. The last 6 years and the recent events with Maggie all came down on her at the same time  .She took her rage out on anything coming her way.Her screams echoed through the walls,as she brought an end to her meltdown hittin the wall with a steady kick .Her knuckles were all scraped up and bloody,and her right ankle was hurting.With her luck she had broken it.

* * *

 

"Alex,Alex stay still for a minute"

"I don't need to stay still,I need to find my sister,Brian."

"You won't find her if you keep on being like this"An alien she had just interrogated, ended up against a few tables,hitting them the hard way.

She looked away from him,and grabbed another alien from the bar pulling him down and trapping him under a stool.

"I don't know anything"

"Of course,you never do.You're part of them,are you?"

"I'm not an hunter,please let me go"

"Ya all become angelic little cute lambs when it comes to people threatening you.You aren't half as brave as you tell yourselves to be around here,and by here I mean this place and any other bar you serve yourselves to,and not only"

She freed him from the stool,and threw him against the counter of the bar.

Raising her voice,she gathered the attention of the whole place.

"If I m to find out that ANY of you is a bounty hunter and rattled me out,or anything else.You'll pay with your damn lives."

She had descibed Kara to most of them. They luckily didn't know much about her life,and because of their dire situation with justice and law in general itself,none of them ,she knew,they would've hardly taken any interest in rattling them out, no matter if she had taken  her rage out on them,but somebody had to be hiding something.It was always like that. At the end of the interrogation it was just another couple of aliens more who hated her.

She stumbled ,limped out of the bar with Brian on tow,and grabbed her ringing phone,angrily,to check out whoever was bothering her.

"Sawyer"

She hit,almost broke the reject button,and walked on.Maggie had already made it clear to her there woul've never been anything between them,she should've stopped trying to talk to her.Alex knew how to let go of things,to leave silently and without bothering  anybody,when she was uwanted. 

For the last five days she had been doing nothing,but looking fo her sister,trying to find her was her sole purpose.

She might not have a life outside of it,but this was the only purpose which had kept her alive when all she would've wanted to do was drowning her sorrows in alcohol and forgetting to be alive.She had never been suicidal,because she had always  had a reason to keep on living.Kara had saved her,and she would probably ever be able to understand.Or know,if something had already happened.

Alex dragged herself back home,cursing at every step she hit,with her bad ankle,and into the broken apartment.

For the first time,Alex dared to think she should give up,even if her heart would've never wanted her to.She would've looked for her for as long as she had lived if it had been necessary.But she was a mess,she didn't deserve anything.She sat heavily on the floor,between the shards of glasses she had broken and the piece of wall she had actually managed to destroy in her fury the night Kara had disappeared.She sat there in complete silence,something she ha never known,one way or another.She listened for steps that wouldn't have come,and searched for hugs and laughters she couldn't have had.

Alex drunk herself to sleep,and it was troubled,messy.Those were not dreams,but nightmares.Full of blood,screams and memories she would always try to bury into the deepest deep of her mind.

She was only soothed by the knowledge that if something bad had already happened,she woudl've known in her heart.Like she always had.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deeply apologize for the delay.  
> It was very hard to rewrite the end of 2x06 without crying for my babies.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search for Kara,and lots of Sanvers feelings.

 When Alex woke up,the first thing she noticed,aside from her headache,was the destruction around her,the one she herself had created.She would've already tried ,but she couldn't esem to get her head out of her ass.What the hell was wrong with her?Why was she destroying herself, like this? She was trying to find Kara,but all she could think about was drinking herself into oblivion. 

She needed help.She couldn't do this all by herself.

As much as it coasted her she would've had to call the one person she really didn't want to see right now.

Alex really wanted to set her pride aside,and just find her sister.Then,she could've solved the mess she had created with Maggie.

The mess she knew to be her fault,without any doubt.

Even swaying,she managed to stand up through the aid of the misplaced couch,and grabbed her phone.

"Sawyer"

"Sawyer,it's Hart"

Maggie seemed to stay in silence for a few minutes,and Alex almost thought she had hung up on her,but then she found her voice again,and asked right away,as if she had read her mind.

"Are you in any trouble?"Alex faught back very hard the urge to comment she maybe should have asked "when wasn't she in trouble?"and tried to be calm enough to keep the conversation going.

At least there was no pity in Maggie's voice when she said that.But Alex knew she had better not let herself be fooled into believing Maggie cared about and for her to this level.They were friends,that was it.Maybe.

She really tried.But when her time came,all she could do was panicking,again.Suddenly she couldn' breathe anymore.It was an all too familiar feeling. A feeling of walls closing in on her,and dying.It was stupid,she knew nobody had ever died from a  panic attack,but all the attacks she had had ,had rought back the same sensation.

"Alex,Alex are you alright?"

The woman shook her head ,but then realized the detective could've never seen her through the phone,so she tried to find her words again.

"I...N-NEED SOMEBODY...I need you...please help me"

She couldn't get over how pathetic she had just  sounded.Alex was supposed to be the strong one,but right at that moment all she could do  was sitting on the floor crying like a baby.

Like the teen who had come home to the worst sight she could've ever seen in her life. She wouldn't have wanted to creep Maggie out by telling her it had taken her three years to throw out the bloodied  clothes she had been wearing on that day.

"I'm coming Alex,stay there,just you wait for me.I want you to keep calm,just try to breathe,slowly...In and out...in and out...you'll be okay Alex,we'll get through this...together".

Maggie run as fast as she could to her bike,thanking the Lord she had been at home,but didn't hung call.Before doing anything,all she wanted was for Alex to calm down,and in order to do so she cwould've had to keep her on the line,as she drove to her apartment.

"Alex,please don't shut the call,I need you to talk to me.Tell me anything that comes to your mind,anything that might help me help you."

"My sister is gone,somebody took her from me"

Maggie was left shocked by the revelation.She realized once again she would've d to know more about Alex,but also that maybe because of how gaurded she was of everything and everybody she had't wanted to.The detective however,would've loved to know more about the woman who had stolen her heart,and who her sister was,because she was sure that the little one had to have an heart as big as Alex'.It couldn't have been otherwise,and Maggie was determined to bring her back to her big sister. 

 

All the way through the road which brought her  to Alex,all she could think about was the pain she had put them both through.She spent it wondering what must have happened to have Alex sis taken from herter might be,and aove all thought about howhard it must have been on  it was that Alex to have d to call her,even after what she had done to her.Maggie understood if she wanted nothing to do  with her anymore,but she felt some sort of relief at the thought that Alex coul still look her in the face.Maggie would've lowered any expectations and tried to help Alex,because that was her job.No matter how much she wanted to try be with her even if only as a friend,if Alex had wanted her to go she would've done it.,walked out of her life without a second word. 

 She would've left and tried to deal with the pain of such a big mistake.

She drove as fast as she could,and run into the building the same,climbing the stairst two steps at a time,and bouncing on the wall a few times out of hurry.Eventually the young detective reached the apartment and broke in.Everything lay in disarray,but what broke her the most was the state the other woman was in.

And Alex...Alex didn't look half as cooperative as she had sounded on the phone,she actually seemed to be angry.

"Please don't ignore me,we're friends"

Alex lost it.

"No Maggie we're not friends"

"Ok,I'm lost what happened?"

"We hung out,we got close,and then you called me out for liking you and then I had the guts to admit,"yes it's true",and you told me that my feelings were real,and that I deserved to be happy,so I thought you meant that I deserved to be happy with you.

"Alex"

"No,no,wait.I'm not done.You convinced me to come out to somebody who mattered a lot to me,and I did,I came out to my sister,because I was sure of one thing,and that was my feelings for you.Initially I was terrified.But ultimately I was proud to come out because it wasn't just some concept,it was about my feelings for this amazing woman......"

She took a deep breath,and found the courage she needed to tell Maggie everything else she was feeling.

"But now I don't feel liberated,or like I'm on some great journey.....because you don' want me,and I shouldn't have called you,I shouldn't have dragged you into this mess...I always get it wrong,always".

 "Alex,please,I know we're not in a good place right now,but you called me and I'm here to help you,please let me help you.This is so hard...but I want to help you...when all this will be done...I promise I ll be out of your hair if you want me to,but please don't shut me out,I promise.....I didn't mean to......to put you through this...it's just that I 've never had too many people to lean onto...I care so much for you,and I don't wanna lose you,I want to be there for you...'cause I don't wanna imagine my life without you in it"

Her hand went to Alex' cheek without even thinking,and she faught hard to not cry when the other woman flinched under her.

Alex brought her head to her hands,pushing against her headache and the knot in her troath,and the pain in her heart.

"My sister has been taken"she repeated the same words she had told Maggie on the phone.

"I gather she means the world to you"

"I'm never supposed  to tell..ever but ..I t-think I can trust you,I hope so. She's one of the two good things life gave me..but please just...don't put this on me now."

If Alex noticed the slip she didn't let it be known,but Maggie's heart lurched with an hope she had never had,though she knew it couldn't  have been her.Nah it couldn't have ever been. All she had done was breaking her heart. If "this" meant what they sorta had,then she was willing to wait...if Alex had still wanted her after all the mess she had pulled.

Maggie's however throbbed again,as Alex looked up at her.She didn't continue the conversation,she didn't keep going with whatever she was about to say,but Alex starry and tearful eyes froze her on the spot.For a moment she had to fight back the urge to kiss Alex,and kiss her like the world was about  to end,even though she had come just to make sure Alex' wouldn't that night.

"I'm glad you trust into me,do you have any idea who might have taken her?"

"Maggie,please"Alex had never called her by her name,it was the first time.

"Just try....try to think about it"

"There's a bounty on her head,it could be anybody.

"It's ok,we'll find her,I promise"

  
Alex wished Maggie could've stopped promising her things through words and stolen starry looks only she could give,but for once she dared herself to believe.

What else could've she done?

* * *

 

They spent the next two days searching fo Kara.Maggie even managed to get Alex to go out,but spent the rest of the night trying to help her not get drunk.The truth was that Alex had thought it had someting to do with her drinking problem,but Maggie knew that their not being together depended on her.She was the one who was afraid.Alex might be scarred,but she was also the bravest of the two. Maybe the universe had plotted to bring their two souls together,and who was Maggie to fight it?She had never believed this bullshit,but she was willing to give this a try.

And she was being a massive romantic fool.Alex needed her help,right now,not this.

They spent the whole two days trying to find Kara. And it was very hard.

Eventually,Maggie also got her to go out,but spent the rest of the night trying help Alex not get drunk rather than playing their usual pool game.Between her bad ankle,and thoughts of her sister,Alex wasn't distracted at all.

"My sister is special"she said on that second night,sitting on the bathroom floor after her usual hangover.

"I see,just from the way you talk about her"

"She has never been a burden to me you know?She has some sort of alien kind of autism,but it has never held me back.I just wanted to protect her,Iove her. I spent the last six years trying to keep her safe,and now....I must be there for her."

Maggie listened carefully as Alex relayed to her some of the details about her life,above all about Kara's condition.

However she also knew there were many things being left out,mostly about her scars,she noticed.But she could've never faulted Alex for this,for a matter of fact she was the first one to have an hard time trusting in people.Not everybody had been kind to her either,because of who she was,and because she had never hidden,above all because of  her sexuality. Their stories were different,but the heart of the matter was the same,they would go to the end of the world for the people they loved.

* * *

 They run...fast...broke a couple of laws...surely.

Maggie turned sharply to the right,and Alex held tightly onto her.Her foot pained her a bit,but she didn't mind.After their researches they had finally come to the answer.A pack of aliens of different races had kidnapped Kara on that fateful night,and after almost 10 days,here they were following her kidnappers. Maggie halted the bike and they both came down,and got out their guns,to fight evenly. Dealing with different races at the same time wasn't easy,but they were both confident it could be done. Alex felt it all get to her,and without thinking she just shot the entire ammo at them,and when it was over she didn't think about herself for a moment,she faught tooth and nail as she had been taught,ankle or not.

Maggie watched in awe for a few moments,but went back to the action as soon as she had been distracted. Letting herself be distracted would be the end of them.Like a machine,perfectly oiled,they shall work together,in tuning,like a clock.

Alex had trusted her with taking care of Kara,she couldn't fail her.

So quickly,the detective run to the young alien and shot the two others dead,before breaking her free.

They easily got through  some lasers shot at them without being caught and reached Alex back to where she was.

The other woman turned around to make sure they were safe,and managed to dive in time to avoid another punch.

She hissed as she leaned her whole weight on the right leg,and Maggie run to her aid,before she had lost rythm.

Alex had been right about the bounty hunters.They would've done anything for their money.She wasn't sure what they were into,but it had taken hell on earth,literally,to find Kara.Lots of rounds of interrogations,a few of Alex friends,and some bad typos Alex hadn't allowed her to meet,which she gathered had something to do with Alex not so clean businness,she had been warned about a few days prior;but at the end of the day they had actually managed to find Kara.

Only when this had been over,and if Alex had still wanted her in her life,she would've dared to ask for more about those businness as well.

She found herself being distracted by her thoughts,so much that she didn't see the blade coming. A sharp,scary blade which nobody woul've ever wanted into themselves.

And Alex didn't even think twice.

 "Maggie"

Alex really didn't think twice and put herself in between.

She felt herself splitting in half,like she was dying and had just noticed,as the stab reopened an old wound,the first one she had ever gotten herself,at 15.The alien drew back from her,and smirked,as Maggie caught Alex and lowered her slowly to the ground.She stood up and started shooting.In her fury,as she shot,she watched Kara bolt towards them,and slay them all with her lasers.Maggie's eyes widened,at the display of power,and she realized that Alex's sister,had something else of special,she was an alien.Another good reason to not say anything,considered the rules the country had about them(not so safe,or open to aliens at all).

Kara walked to them scared and looking with wide eyes at the scene,and Maggie was roused from her trance by a groan of pain.She turned around and Kara was freaking over Alex,as she bleed on the concrete,trembling. Alex had told her this had already happened to her,and it hurt for Maggie,as if it had happened to her.

"Alex,Alex"

The name came out more as a jumbled mix of the letters it was composed by,than itself.In her panic the speaking issues Alex had told her about,showed even more.

The kid hugged her like there was no tomorrow,and Alex tried hard to not wince again,and breathe through the agonizing stabs her body was going through.Maggie fell by her side and didn't think twice.She brought her hands over Alex's wound and pressed tightly.Alex jumped in her skin,as she got run over by goosebumps,and scorching heat at the same time.

"Alex,what do I do?I need to bring you to an hospital."

Alex shook her head.

Now that the group had seen them and been at their house,all the aliens must have known where thye were.Alex knew they had spies everywhere,even putting aside the fact she couldn't have paid the medical bills,she knew they had been discovered.She didn't wish for the police to intrude as well,and didn't want Maggie to get hurt in the process.

Police.They would've made lots of qestions,questions they had never made up till now no matter how many times she had ended up in jail. Questions she could've not answered to.

Maggie took off her jacket and pressed it over the wound.

"Alex,there's too much blood"Maggie felt herself panicking,as her hands shook uncontrollably.

"I think it's not as bad...as it looks..I think it's the old wound,mostly".

Alex struggled to get out each of those words,but she felt herself slipping in and out of consciousness.It was a feeling she unluckily knew all too well.She had breathed herself out ot this a few times,but this was making her scared,it wasn't easy to breathe and try to not let the memories come back to the surface.She tried to stop it,but couldn't.The tear she hadn't wanted to shed streamed down her face stubbornly. With Maggie by her side she let go,for just  a bit.

Maggie knew Alex was downplaying her injury for both their sakes.

Sure the old scar was making it worse,but she had watched the blade go in with horror,and she knew she would've never forgotten it.It was the fist time she had felt the physical pain of someone else and perceived it as her own as much as it was Alex'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's gonna happen to Al?What is Maggie gonna do now?All to be seen in chapter 7.  
> Kudos and reviews are always welcome.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's been a reunion,but it doesn't mean trouble it's over.Above all for Sanvers.

Maggie struggled to keep Alex on her feet,but not being able to carry the taller girl,that was the best way to help her,by dragging themselves forth as much as they could. She held the jacket tightly to the wound above Alex' hand,which was already covering it to help with the bleeding. 

Kara was following right behind,as the detective tried to keep an eye on her as well.

She unlocked and pushed the door to her house open,and locked it as soon as they were all in.

The detective helped her injured warrior right to her bed,without even looking at the living room,and slowly helped her down to a sitting position,at first,against the headboard.

Kara run to the windows and swung the blinds shut. Maggie watched her do so,but didn't exactly mind.

If it could've made them feel a bit safer.

All the way through to her apartment Alex had mumbled about safety,relocating,and things like that,so Maggie had taken the decision to solve this by herself.They would've thought about the sisters' apartment later.After all,lots of useful things for them were still there.

But first came Alex and her survival.

If she could've just gotten Kara to stop running around.....

The detective was at loss as to what to do.

"Kara"

Between struggled breathes the older Danvers managed to reach out to the kid.

"Sit down...for Maggie"she breathed in sharply,and whined.Her hand still firmly pressed to the wound. Every word had become a waste of breath,and Alex would be left breathless,trying to get it all back under control.

The younger girl looked at her sister and stopped dead in her tracks.Maggie assumed Alex  was the only one who could get her to stop running around,if she was even half as lively as Hart had anticipated her to be.

At that point,she wasted no time,and run into her bathroom to look for all the things she needed to help Alex with.

Maggie grabbed towels,gauzes,water,everything and nothing,all to make sure Alex would get out of it safe.

That hideous thing had stabbed her then pulled the knife out,which meant he had just made their lives harder.

Alex couldn't fall asleep on her. As much as she was in pain,Maggie couldn't let her,at last till she hadn't made sure things were under control.

* * *

 

Quickly she covered Alex with two blankets to keep her warm,and helped her lay down on her bed,totally not caring about the blood starting to spread around and under them.She realized she had already put Alex's body through a huge stress just by making her face the journey to her house from where they had been,but she really hadn't thought much when the lead over Kara's case had come in and she had chosen the bike.

Now she totally regretted it.

It had been hard to try holding Alex up against herself without giving up to the wish to kiss her and give her some comfort beyond her arms around her,and get Kara to hold onto her back at the same time. Somehow in the whole pandemonium their case had just turned into,all it had taken for Kara to be convinced was Alex complaining not so quietly anymore,and they had been gone in a second.

She looked down at the other woman's face.

Alex's features were twisted in pain,her teeth were clashing to not let any other scream get through,and her forehead had already started to glisten with beads of sweat.

So was hers,by the time she actually managed to stall the bleeding to almost nothing.

"Alex,I need to disinfect the wound"

"Go,go,do it.Before I...change my mind"

She poured the peroxide on the wound,and used the towel to spread it and disinfect the whole area.

All under the scrutiny of a very worried and silent Kara,tapping a foot on the floor of her bedroom.

Maggie could see she was struggling to understand,but was also very aware of Alex's pain,just from the way they were squeezing each other's hand.

She hadn't known Kara for more than a couple of hours,and she already could see that the two were synchronized.

They acted in stereo,and Maggie felt relieved to know Alex had somebody so special to her,by her side. But it also meant,what she could see. Alex couldn't let herself show some things,or else Kara would've thought they were in danger,and she had to fear for the thing she cared about.  

Maggie figured that Kara had learned everything from her sister,fear just like any other sensation,and the attachment had come very easy to them,as soon as they had learned their way around each other. 

The woman wished she could've known something like that. Her parents had thrown her out,and aside from her aunt,she had never had anybody else to rely on,to fully trust into,at last 'till Alex hadn't come into her life.

The danger was all to close,and now it was her problem as much as it was and had been theirs. They didn't have an home now,and Maggie suspected that if they had managed to get through the night there would've been some moving to do.Maggie would've held onto it.She was already irremovabile.They would've been with her. She would've made sure of Alex safety,and subsequently her sister's as well. She realized for the first time,that being in danger didn't matter to her this time around.For once she wasn't afraid of being reckless.

"I..I'm sorry...Alex,I'm so sorry,I have to"

It had already been hard enough to stop that damn bleeding.

Even simply putting gauzes on the wound wasn't easy. Alex couldn't seem to stay still,as her body shook with shivers,and the pain she must have been into.

"Maggie...please...please"

"Shh,shh it's almost over...I'm almost there"she really tried to not let the tears fall,and the sob she was holding back win it's battle to come out,and explode;as she brought her other hand up to stroke Alex's hair,to get her to relax a bit as well.

At this point she really didn't know who was supposed to feel more comforted by it.

 The begging and the apologies ceased together,as soon as the detective realized she somehow had managed to help the woman she was absolutely crazy about.

 All she could do was giving her the best antibiotic she had,but she was no doctor,and neither was Alex. If something else had come to happen that the detective couldn't solve,hospital wouldn't have been avoidable anymore,she couldn't have helped her anymore.

* * *

When she managed to sit down,rigorously by Alex's side,after a few hours and finally changed from her bloodied clothes,the first thing she did was trying to clean her up from the same dried red nightmare which had been on all their clothes.

She couldn't really do much asides from cleaning her hands,face and around the wound,and even then her mind wandered so far that she felt ashamed about what she had just thought.

So she busied herself by taking another look at the blade. She hadn't wanted to bring it in at first,but Maggie was a detective.And being one meant she needed to look more deeply into things. It was all too easy. They had gotten off too easy. She looked at the blade,the evil thing which had threatened to take Alex away from her,from them,and maybe was still trying to. He had smirked at them like he knew they were in trouble. Yet, before she could get to any other consideration,she felt the blankets move under her.

She looked aside and found Kara staring at the ceiling,but not moving.

It had taken her minutes to stop her from running around again,and get her to change out of her own bloodied sweater,without hardly any screaming just by luck,cause Alex hadn't been in any position to help them.

Lying on the other side,instead,the one she was sitting on,said woman was moving slowly and maybe trying to find herself a better position,but her look was far off,a bit beyond her.

"Alex"Maggie allowed herself to touch her hand,and it was the first time Alex didn't draw back.

"Alex,can you hear me?Alex,I know you're there,just squeeze my hand"

But Alex didn't answer her,barely squeezed her hand back.

Worry ate up at the detective,more and more,'till she didn't bend down to kiss her forehead,and lean her own on Alex'.

Of course,she should've known,should've expected it. Alex had started showing symptoms as she tried to help her with the wound.

Fever was already running high,Alex was burning up,and her glassy eyes,and probably unfocused mind had a reason to be.

Maggie suspected they had something to do with her fever as much as the thing which had caused it.

She looked down as the trembling got slightly worse,and saw red again. Her suspicions had just been confirmed.

Alex was bleeding from her nose.

And as the other woman's body suffered the heat of that fever and Maggie tried to stop the new round of blood,she felt like cold,ice water had been dumped on her.

In that moment,she damned having chosen to be a detective.

This was not how she had imagined Alex to lie in her bed for the first time,if she had ever gotten lucky enough to be able to call her her girlfriend,and scream at everybody that she was already the other side of the heart she had lovingly fixed.

Her warrior should've been up and about,not coped up under those blankets trying to survive.Maggie should've gotten to tell her that ever since she had entered her life,Alex had made it better,but now she might just never get the chance to.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now Kara is safe and everything rests in Maggie's hands.Will Alex manage to get better?Will she get worse instead?Stay tuned and you'll soon find out.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie will go to great lengths to help the woman she's falling for,and in the meantime she tries to get used to having Kara around.

Morning really didn't bring any good news.Maggie had taken the following days off from the precinct,and this meant she was gonna stay home,for everybody's safety and for Alex to get her better,cause Maggie refused to believe otherwise. She watched as Kara brought her hoodie up to her head and twisting her hands,looking at her,as if to get permission.They hadn't spoken a word to each other,as Alex had told her she had never really talked to anybody beyond her,and maybe a bit Brian,the alien who had helped them at first.Maggie would've liked to say someday,that she had managed to gain Kara's trust as well.Even if the kid had never spoken a word to her. She walked her to the kitchen,and watched her open the freezer.

She smiled.

Alex had already anticipated to her that Kara loved ice cream for breakfast,or any meal at all. During those two days they had spent by themselves, Alex had provided her with lots of informations about her sister,and Maggie was grateful she had taken in to everything the older Hart had told her.

She patted the kryptonian's head lovingly,as she handed her a spoon,and helped her to a chair around the kitchen table.

When she was sure Kara was settled,and not about to run around and reach out for anything else but her tub of ice cream,or try throwing it at her as she had just a few minutes before,she turned back towards the bedroom trying to clean the ice cream stains from her shirt. 

Maggie quietly opened the door and let herself in.

Lights were truly dimmed. With the blinds completely were closed,the lamp on the bedside table was the only source of light for them.

Maggie grabbed the basin full of water sitting there and put the wet towel on Alex's forehead.

The other woman seemed to be roused by the water touching her face,and with lids half closed looked up at Maggie sitting right beside her.

"Hey Hart"

Alex felt her thoughts being jumbled,so confused,but she wanted Maggie to know,in all the fog she knew she could've never stood dying by the wrong name.

"Dan..Danversss"she slurred out.

"What?Alex?"

"It's Danvers"

Maggie left the towel on her forehead and grabbed her hand.

"Your name is Danvers"

"Yeah...."

Maggie tried to make eye contact once more,but the beautiful brown eyes of the woman whose hand she was holding weren't much focused anymore. Alex had fallen back into whatever state she was in,and the detective waited for what was to come.

* * *

"Alex,I need you to try eat something"she exclaimed halfway through the morning.

It was not because Alex didn't like to be a patient that Maggie wasn't managing,but also because she seemed to not be hungry at all,and as much as the detective would've liked to comply to her whishes to be left in peace,she knew that no eating meant no gaining strength,and God knew Alex needed it. 

She had lost lots of blood,and Maggie didn't exactly have the typical means to give it back to her.

She was more alert,but more alert didn't mean awake,or better at all. For all she knew,Alex had just gotten worse.

All her fears of such a thing were only confirmed when she lost her color,and started losing blood again;this time from her ears.

"Fuck"

Maggie laid Alex back down and turned her on her good side,the left one,to lower the stream of the red coppery liquid.

She dealt with the bleeding as much as she could and tried to clean around the area.

Maggie climbed on the bed and behind Alex to hold her more up.Lying down would've done no good right at that moment,and she felt like she couldn't have done this without holding the woman who had now become the best part of her life.

The boundaries which had kept them apart seemed to have fallen,and Maggie didn't really care about decorum at the moment.Alex was very sick,and she really  couldn't hold back,couldn't avoid trying to comfort her,or herself through those stolen touches Alex wouldn't have surely remembered once she had been better.

But the detective swore...she would've never said anything else to hurt her.She would've told her everything she felt for her,she woul've told Alex how much she liked her,how much she mattered to her.

Maggie held her close to her chest,slowly rocked her back and forth,as her body shook and she couldn't hold back her groans anymore.

She felt the desperation of those who knew they couldn't do anything else but try to make it hurt a bit less,even though Alex was restless.

It was the first time she entertained thoughts she never had in her life. 

She tried to think the way Alex had had to at times.

Maggie doubted her warrior had ever been happy about it.

But no choice meant no choice.

* * *

 She grabbed Alex's phone and listed herself as the emergency contact,then called the alien Alex often fondly talked about.

When he got there,she recognized him after having seen him around the bar several times.Alex had told her that as soon as she had told him,Brian had chosen that place as his new favorite bar,rather than the ones he used to attend before.Nonetheless everything the two hadn't known it,mostly Alex would've had no reason to,so Maggie was happy to have brought her there.

It was like it had become a part of who they were,of the little thing that had quickly turned into family for her,no matter the outcome in the relationship with Alex.

Brian looked at her terrified as soon as he realized the state Alex was in.

He had gathered that child and her sister up from the road when they were too young to really take care of themselves,and it had always been hard on him to watch them suffer without being able to do much. They had been his constant worries,but also his biggest pride.

Maggie really wanted the sad look to go from his face.

When she locked the door behind herself,she made him promise he'd have called her had anything happened during her night out.

Brian nodded with no doubts.

* * *

Zorander,was a huge alien she had met during one of her raids. He was a criminal,and the cop was really no fan of his.He was dangerous,but like those who were full of money(like that Sinclair woman who had been let out a few months ago),because of it,every charge had been dropped without him ever being caught.He came to the bar to make some mess,mostly,and when he was calm,he would always be planning something bad.

It had her on edge,the whole time.

But Maggie resorted to turning her pride off completely.This was for Alex.Solely for Alex.

"Detective Sawyer"

"Zorander"

"I haven't seen you since that last raid 5 months ago..if I m not wrong,you didn't manage to catch me..am I correct?"

"Get the sharade over with,I'm not here to arrest you.No charge in the middle"

He showed her to a chair with his hand,and Maggie looked up again,making sure to not lose contact and above all to make him understand she wasn't afraid of him.

"What do you want?Detective..."he said,spitting out the last word like an insult.

"Blood"

"A massacre?I thought you're the good guys"

Maggie's hands balled up into fists,and she looked aside in disgust.It was very hard to remind herself she was not here for him,and to deliver him to justice.

She let go of the anger for a minute, one of her fists opened and she produced a vial from her jacket.

He grabbed it,and took a good look at the blood in there. He uncapped the vial and smelled it.

"What's your business here,Sawyer?Want in?You'll have to do more than this"he added,throwing the vial on the floor.

Maggie felt her heart shattering with the vial,and was on him in a moment. Grabbing him by the collar.

"Look,I showed you that for one reason,I need that blood type and you'll give it to me without saying a word,if anybody hears about it,there'll be no place on earth where you can hide. I'll make sure to catch you,and I won't care if I m free or not.I'll find you...and I'll kill you"

"What will I gain in change?It wouldn't be convenient to have everybody know I helped you.What will they think of me?What if I get caught?"

It coasted her to get the next words out. He was dangerous.....and she felt she might have been a bit selfish in her request,but he could still be caught,and offering money wasn't enough..if Alex had died,instead,Maggie would've had no way to catch her again,no way to bring her back and fix things with her.No amount of money or anything would've brought her back to the lovestruck detective.

For once,the universe was on her side,as he opened his case to show her.

She let go of him,in astonishment.

Maggie had never seen so many different types of blood in her life.There wasn't just human one,but also alien one.Types she had analyzed,or had under her nose one way or another,while she did her job. The only thing that sickened her was the idea of how he had or might have acquired them.

He did give her what she wanted,he did.Even more than she needed.Blood and answers which had coasted her money and a criminal on the loose,and the pain of what Alex might feel if she had ever known about it.

She left that bar head hanging low for the very first time since she had found it.

The gravity of their situation hit her hard,and she burst in tears let herself go fo the first time since Alex had been hurt,she truly let it go.

 

* * *

 At the first lights of dawn,when she had finally managed to gather herself up a bit,she came back home to absolute quiet.

Brian was on the couch,reading,to an half asleep Kara,and she approached him slowly as to not scare him.

"Brian?"

"Oh,Maggie,you're back finally."

He looked at the bag she was carrying,and then at the door of her bedroom.

He tilted his head,and grimaced.

"She hasn't been able to sleep.I tried to get her to,she was restless,complaining about old wounds.They shouldn't.... be bothering her anymore."

Maggie casted her eyes down again,and walked towards the bedroom. She felt the weight of everything she had been told that night.

She opened the door to the semi-darkness she had left and knew to not bother Alex's eyes,and sat by the other woman,like she had that morning.

Maggie stroked her matted,wet hair,and noticed that although the fever had gone down it wasn't gone at all and they still had a long way to go.

For all she knew,they were in for a night from hell. The simple fact that the infection was far from being beaten yet,made her anxious and scared.

She dragged the old coat rack from the living room,with Brian's help,and hang the IV to it.

Finally,she grabbed Alex's hand,and caressed the back of it softly with her thumb,before brushing it softly with her lips.

For how much she might not have meant to hurt her,she knew that just poking that bit of skin would've made her flinch and wince.

The needle went in,and Alex took in a sharp breath,looking at her with begging eyes;before letting out a long wheeze,which shook all her sick frame.

"It's just a minute,Alex,you'll be okay.I'll make sure you're okay..I will make you better.I will."

And Alex,who had struggled to believe a lot of things in life,despite the pain and fear,believed her.

She looked into Maggie's eyes,and believed her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double,double,toil and trouble.....lots of it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie is still dealing with what she did;she and Alex share a moment;Kara deals with everything her own way.

Maggie didn't sleep for most of the night,while the other half was spent mulling over the conversation she had shared with that alien. She didn't know what had prompted her to act so quickly and go to him rather than taking Alex to the hospital,but in her heart she must have known that they couldn't have done a thing in that place. And not even so surprisingly she had been right. First thing first,it was an alien blade and second of all there was no cure,no antidote to the poison cursing through Alex's body.

As much as Maggie wanted to call him a liar,she knew he was right.He wasn't playing around,he truly knew.

The detective really didn't know what to feel anymore.

He had said it: _There's no antidote to it._ _She'll heal if she wants to,if she's strong enough to._

Zorander had wiped away every hope to find another way to help Alex,with the tales of what that poison had done to other people.Humans and not.

Maggie could've only dared to hope,as the first rays of the sun showered the room in a ethereal light.

They weren't many,but they surrounded Alex with an almost angelic halo,and the detetective thought she had never seen such a glorious thing in her life.

It was how she finally gave up to exhaustion.

* * *

When she came to,the first thing she heard were laughters.

For one moment she thought herself to be dreaming.

 But somebody shook her arm and she fully woke up,to the two Danvers smiling at her.

"'Morning!?"she asked surprised.

"Cat got your tongue,Sawyer?"

She bolted up from the chair,and sat in front of Alex,blushing right after.

Her hand flew to her cheek.

_Well done,Sawyer.Try to be any gayer.Everybody has noticed by now._

Alex blushed as well.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm good,I think"

Kara run into her,and hugged her,unexpectedly. Maggie was taken aback but was as warm when hugging her back.

Then the younger Danvers run out of the room,to look for Brian.

"Say something,Maggie"

"I'm sorry."

"Wow,ok,care to elaborate?"

"I'm sorry,I let my fears get to me.Then you almost died...."

"Nah,couldn't have left the two of you alone,imagine the mess"she answered laughing.

 "But you did....I was so stupid...I thought you had come out because of me,and in a certain sense I was right.But I spent a long time thinking that I could've lost you and you'd have never known how much I had cared for you. You'd have never known you changed it all. And life is too short...and we should be who we are,and we should kiss the girls we wanna kiss...and I...I wanna kiss you"

Maggie didn't waste any time and kissed her as softly as she could.

Even if pleasingly surprised,Alex kissed back as eagerly.

"So you're saying,that you like me?"answered the warrior,holding Maggie's hands in her own.

The detective gave her one of her dimpled smiles,and nodded.

Alex drew her closer and kissed her again,stroking the hair which had fallen in front of her eyes.

Maggie climbed fully into the bed beside her,and hugged Alex to her chest,as the other woman laid her head on her shoulder.

"I definitely like you. I hope you're not the one who kicks in bed"

Alex raised her head from her shoulder and hit her arm.

"That's rude Sawyer"

"I thought we were on a name basis,now"

"I'm glad you helped me find out who I am,I'd be glad if you wanted to be my new normal,Maggie"

The detective nodded at her.

"I'd be glad too,Danvers"

Alex laughed.Maggie loved it.

* * *

"Please,let go...let go of her...Kara...don't come in". _They were following her and her sister again,then she could see her mother dead on the floor all over again._

Alex had fallen asleep on her,and Maggie hadn't moved an inch since then. There had been quite moments,and she had been content with those.

It was disheartening when she felt Alex slipping through her fingers again.

She thought things were getting better,but didn't like this nightmare at all,as she tried to shake her woman awake from whatever was hurting her in her dreams.

"Alex wake up,Alex it's just a nigthmare,wake up.Nobody is gonna hurt you or Kara,I'll make sure of that"

Alex jolted awake,but her eyes were bloodshot,and glassy,watery.Maggie felt all the hope being replaced by pure fear.

She turned her in her arms so she could take a better look at her now girlfriend,and checked her out again,starting from her forehead.

Maggie wished she hadn't done so,cause when she did,the detective drew her hand back as if scalded.

She laid Alex back down with care,then went to get a thermometer.

"No,no,no,please be okay,no God please"

She looked up looking for some help even from above,then back down at the evil thing in her hand.

It was staring back at her,and saying " _You're screwed_ ".

* * *

 An 105° Degrees.

"Briaaaaaaaaaan,Brian come here"

The alien came in half disheveled.

"What's it,you almost got Kara distracted from her drawing"

Maggie thanked every deity Kara didn't seem to have noticed the distress in her voice,as Alex in a half awake state,trembled painfully in her arms.

"Alex,where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere.....my scars...Maggie what's wrong with me?"

"You're...I think it's getting worse,after it got better.You're poisoned Alex."

Alex could feel the usual splitting headache paining her;her scars were burning,as her mind went back to every moment she had acquire them,even her still broken ankle;and simply sitting was making her nauseous;but now there was a reason as to why she was suffering so much. Her mind had finally caught up to whatever was happening to her body.

"I think we could give her an ice bath,but I wouldn't want to move her"

"I'm here still,I can hear you"

"I know,Alex.Do you think you can stand?"

Alex shook her head,then regretted it right away.Her head felt so heavy on her neck,it was like weighing her down.

It all rushed back up and she heaved.

Maggie knew what was gonna happen and managed to settle the bucket under her,before she could wet the blankets.

Brian shook his head.

"I'll go get the ice and water ready"

The detective thought a sponge bath would've been better,but she doubted Alex could've stood it,without screaming her throat sore.

Maggie watched terrified as Alex threw up basically water and blood with it.

To anybody else it could've looked like she was having infection issues,but she knew what Alex was truly going through.

She held her hair back,thankful they were short,as she rubbed her girlfriend's back.

By then,Alex was crying out of being sick and also afraid;and Maggie could do nothing but try to dry the bloody tears away from her.

They splashed in her hand,as it trembled.

It made her feel guilty.

Alex had been stabbed to save her. If she had been fast enough,or careful enough,Alex wouldn't have been like this right now.

"Please,don't blame....your..self"

"I'm sorry"she whimpered out,pitifully.

"All this is happening,because of me"

"I...I'd..do it...a-again...if..if it meant you're s-safe"

Maggie didn't bring anything else up,she just sat there,trying to dry the bloody tears away and clean up the blood from her chin,while they waited for Brian to come back.

* * *

It was the alien who lifted her softly from the bed,and Maggie used the time to strip the bloody blankets off it.

She followed them as soon as she was over,and turned to the blue alien,looking at her,embarassed.

He clearly couldn't have undressed her,so the duty fell upon her.

Again,her mind went to the fact that this wasn't half as romantic as she would've imagined it to be,but it had to be her,and now that they were an item and she had at last fixed this aspect of their story,Maggie was going for it,completely.

Brian left them alone,and Maggie started the slow process of undressing her newly made girlfriend with a purpose which was pretty different from the one she would usually imagine for them.

Under the sickness plaguing her,Alex was a sight.Sculptural. She was beautiful and strong.

As quickly as she could,Maggie hoisted her up against her side,trying to not think about Alex being completely naked beside her,and manouvered them,till she wasn't sitting in the tub,with only her head out of the water.

Maggie didn't even think of stripping off,she just sat in front of Alex,on her knees,in the freezing water.

She bathed long well built legs,mindful of the broken ankle;and muscled arms,and a chest and back full of scars stretching for interesting patterns and stories she'd have liked to hear.And short,curly glowing hair,she had stroked to calm Alex down.

"M-maggie..'m cold"

The detective jumped out of the tub and leaned by her head,bringing an hand to her cheek.

"It's okay,sweetheart,I'm getting you out in a minute".

She waited some ten other minutes,sitting on the floor,then drained the water,which had warmed up a bit.

Alex had been shaking quite a bit,as she enveloped her in a towel,and made sure to help her dry up.

Maggie walked her back to the bed,and was glad to see her a bit less queasy than before,though still as pale as a ghost.

She helped her get into bed again,and got in as well.

Her focus was briefly taken away by the door being opened,and the younger Danvers coming in,and sitting by Alex on the other side.

The warrior flinched as her face's scar burnt again.

As much as the bath had taken most of the heat away,her scars were still hurting.

"Auch...Damn it all"

Kara looked at her with puppy eyes,and Alex tried to hold her tears back.

She turned towards Maggie and whispered at her sadly.

"Why is she here?"

"Brian has been keeping her away for a bit,but Alex you can't keep her out of this room forever,your sister knows what's going on".

Alex grabbed at her stomach in pain.

"Aaa,please make it stop"

Maggie touched her chin,and made sure she was looking at her,instead of thinking about her aching scars.

Thankfully Brian came in at that moment and handed her some painkillers,she handed her girlfriend,right away.

The water had soothed Alex,but as soon as she had come out she had started hurting again.By the moment they had gotten to bed,the slow agony had began again.First her face,then her stomach,the welts on the back,and even the oldest one on her arm.A true map of terror,if Maggie had ever seen it.

But of course she never would've.Dreams would've stayed dreams.Like that of that morning.The most beautiful she had ever made.They would've only shared hugs at the very best.

Painkillers kicked in pretty soon,and she let herself slip away,bit by bit,into Maggie's arms,that was the only thing she was sure of.

* * *

 

The little group watched over Alex for the rest of the day and the whole night,when it finally came.

By then,Brian was sitting on the other side,reading,and stroking her arm.

Maggie watched Kara try to calm her restless older sister,as she got to take care of her for the very first time.

It shook the detective to the core.

"...Wider than a mile...I'm crossing you in style someday"

There was no hesitance when singing,no misspelled word or grammar issue.

She only got frustrated when the words became confused in her head,and Maggie spotted her looking at her with a silent request in her eyes.

Maggie nodded at her.

"Oh dream maker,you heart breaker,wherever you're going I'm going you're way. C'mon you do it Kara,I really can't sing"

The girl turned back at her sister,and kept singing contentedly,bobbing her head to the music in her mind,and twisting her hands as she usually did.

Maggie patiently wiped at Alex' forehead when needed,dealt with the bleedings and antibiotics,and cleaning up;as she had in the prior hours.

"Hey"

"Sleep Alex,sleep tight"

"I'm bleeding"

"I got everything under control,just think about resting".

Alex focused on their voices and went back to sleep,this time far more quietly than the rest of the day.

Maggie landed a soft kiss on her lips,and laid by her.Her right arm around Alex's waist,her left one around her shoulders,drawing her closer to herself,before kissing the top of her head as well.

"It's too soon to leave Alex,there are still many things we need to do,and see,you don't get to leave so soon."

_She wasn't going anywhere,without the detective.Maggie would've made sure of that._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sanvers is officially a thing now.  
> Embarassed and worried Uncle!Brian was definitely funny to write in it's own way.  
> Stay tuned to find out what's gonna happen next.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is bound to fix things,right?

Kara was an hearthquake to be around to.

Maggie had been taking care of her as well for some days by then,and she was pretty sure she had never run so much,not even when she was training as a cop.

The child had some strength,so much that the detective wondered how Alex had learned to catch Kara so easily when needed.

The detective had learned.Watched her sit under the sunny window,drawing;listening to music when she wanted,never really taking off her headphones.

That morning,however,Kara looked unusually angry,grumpy,which she never had since she knew her,all considered that Alex had been out sick for days now.

Her foot was tapping on the floor nervously,and she was toying with her glasses a bit too much. Her face was twisted in pain,and it tugged at Maggie's heart right away. Kara could feel those attacks coming,it was visible.What made it worse was that she on top of having a disturb she had never had the chance to learn how to deal with some of her powers.

She walked to her as slowly as she could,and tried to make her presence.

Kara turned towards her,and the detective spotted big fat,definitely childlike tears in her eyes.

The detective kneed by the young kryptonian,and spoke loudly so she could be heard.

"Is everything alright?"

Kara shook her head,and took her headphones off,throwing them to the floor,and brought her hands to her ears.Her eyes were shut tightly.So tightly Maggie wondered if it hurt.

_Sensory overload._

Maggie didn't exactly know what to do. She knew what they were,but not how to act.

She would've had to try.

_Alex liked to have her hair stroked when she hurt.Maggie had learned it taking care of her._

"Kiddo....Kara look at me"

The kryptonian pried one of her eyes open,and looked sadly at Maggie. She looked like somebody had undeservedly kicked her.

"Kara,may I touch you?Would you like me to help you?"

Maggie didn't know exactly if Kara was willing to accept that help,but she really hoped so. She really wanted to bond with the little one in the house,'cause now she felt like it was her responsability as well. Kara was the most important person of Alex's life.

Kara nodded,and Maggie hugged her softly,still trying to understand if it was okay or not.

The younger Danvers unexpectedly clinged to her like a scared child,and she found that talking was good for both herself and that child she was holding.

"There's absolutely nothing to fear. Just focus on this place.Do you see it?It's just me,you,Alex and Brian;nobody else.Nobody is gonna hurt you.There's nothing around us but whatever you want it to be,Mini Danvers"

"..A field..."

"Ok,a field,what about it?"

"Flowers....and the sun...Alex is okay".

"What else?"

"Butterflies,all around me"

"Emerald..."

Maggie frowned but didn't exactly question Kara's random thoughts.

She just rocked her slowly,trying to not overwhelm her,and bit by bit she realized that she had managed to get her to do something she only did with Alex,and Brian at times.

Her eyes widened.

_Kara wasn't speaking through her eyes,or signing at her as Brian translated as she had been doing for days now.Kara had spoken to her for the first time. She might not have noticed,might have been too out of it to realize it,but the detective would've never forgotten.No way she could've._

* * *

 Maggie watched concerned as the whole moment unfolded in front of her. She could only try to hold Alex enough to make sure she wouldn't get hurt.Throughout the night they had faced some pretty big hardships,but this was the biggest for Maggie.Alex was seizing under her eyes,and she could only hope it would've stopped soon.

There was no foam in her mouth,but her eyes had rolled back almost as quickly as they had opened that morning,and Maggie had jumped into action,fearing again,that something which could've cut her warrior's life short might truly happening.

"Brian,please help me"

The alien run to the other side,and held Alex down,firmly.

The shaking lasted for long unterminable minutes,in which Maggie didn't even notice holding her breath.

She felt it under her hands.When her hand fell on her pulse,Maggie's chest hurt.

Alex drew a deep breath,then she stopped shaking.

"Alex,Alex...can you hear me?"

But the detective got no response back.

"Alex,honey,answer me please...wake up"

Maggie shook her by her arms,as her voice raised.

"Please" _Not now,that I might have finally found you.Not now that I might be falling everyday more for you._

With trembling breaths,her head fell softly over her chest,hopefully looking for the next breath.

Her fist hit soft skin she had dreamed with touching for many nights.A soft fist over something that might never be.

"Wake up,please,wake up"

In her panic, she uselessly tried to administer some sort of CPR,but she could barely recognize what she was doing,through her clouded eyes.She was afraid of breaking her girlfriend,afraid that everything she was doing...might somehow be wrong and wouldn't serve the purpose of saving Alex.

She was so distraught she didn't even notice she had started hitting harder and harder...so much it could've bruised.Landing punches on her girlfriend's chest.

And Maggie would've had to try recalling that that later,cause to the next punch followed a gasp,and a deep even if rattled intake of breath.

Alex's eyes shot open,as she tried to even her breathing out.

The detective's eyes were wide open,as she looked at the woman under her in shock.

Maggie couldn't even believe what had just happened. She hadn't even had the time to talk to Alex,and ask her how she was feeling before it started. And now this...somehow a miracle...something she didn't even believe into in general...had happened.

Her heart,at last,had finally stopped beating like crazy.

She bent forward,and kissed Alex's forehead.

"Never do it,again...never again,babe"

_Another day.Not now...not anytime soon,not at all._

* * *

 When Alex came to,the first thing she thought about was not the pain she had felt,but the most beautiful thing she had ever dreamed of. Maggie had come to her,kissed her,even told her she liked her. 

She felt like the fog of the prior days had finally disappeared,and the pain was fading to a dull ache which was finally bearable after three days of feeling like hell come down on earth.

Alex tried to sit down,but found herself totally pinned down.

At first she feared the sickness might have gotten to her one last time,but when she fully opened her eyes,Alex noticed that Kara was koaling again,while on the other side,Maggie was hugging her waist,in a way which made her blush,and feel feverish all over but for a very different reason.

She couldn't have exactly moved without waking them up and breaking the spell which had settled around them,but for once she felt like it could be safe to say she would've been okay and believe it.She wanted them to be there.

"Hey,rise and shine,rise and shine,girls"it didn't exactly come out as loud as she would've like it to be,but she hoped it would be enough to be heard.

Kara shot up right away,checked to see if she was alright,then threw herself at her.

"Glad you okay,so worried I was"

"I feel like I might finally be healing kiddo."

Kara didn't really know what had happened,she had just heard lots of voices coming from Maggie's room,and screaming and hearts beating fast threatening to give her an attack herself;but Alex was okay,so everything was okay for her.

Healing,however,was something Alex would never have to explain to her sister. The younger girl had learned the meaning of such word as soon as they had met.Alex had once explained to her that healing was like getting out of a bubble which had kept you away from moving your life forward,it was like waking up from a long unwanted sleep. Like everything was good again...

Maggie stirred and turned to look at her,just as surprised.

"You look good,are you sure you feel fine?Like no problem at all,unlike last time?"added the detective,touching and prodding her over and over to make sure she truly was ok.

"I feel great"

"Alex,you made it,you beat it."

Maggie beamed at her,made to touch her wherever she could without even thinking about it,and grabbed her face between her hands kissing her pretty passionately.

Alex drew slightly back.

"Wait. I'm kinda confused.You're kissing me"

"Ah yeah,I have a  couple of times by now,Danvers"

Alex tried to think back about what Maggie had said. She did remember soft lips on her own,but all she had thought was that it was a wonderful dream that would've never come true.

"I thought....it wasn't a dream,was it?"

"What happened in there?What do you remember,honey?"

The term of endearment warmed her heart up.

"You came in here,don't remember when,you said things,lots of things,about us,and I asked you....if you liked me back,and you nodded...and you're smiling...like...a lot.I could feel...you when I was half awake maybe...but I couldn't get to you...I thought it was a dream,a very good one actually."

"It's true,what we did,what we said,it's true Alex...not a dream...It happened."

_It truly had happened.She truly needed to get a grip on herself._

Alex beamed at Maggie,still grimacing from time to time when the residual pain reached her,and the detective would have given the world to make her smile like that everyday,for as long as the other woman had wanted her to.

"I get to kiss you"

"You're a very good kisser"

"You're doing most of the job,here,Sawyer.At last for now."she stated,bold enough...and got rewarded with Maggie laughing because of it.

"You're not bad at all,either Danvers"

The little banter finally made Maggie feel better,as well.

Alex was alive,and Kara was being her calm self, as if all things had finally been fixed.

The warrior,the soldier who had managed to get through this too, couldn't believe that everything she had dreamed about was true.When she couldn't even open her eyes from the pain she was feeling,Maggie had been there.Maggie had been the one to stroke her hair;she had soothed her to sleep,and literally kissed the pain away.

Maggie had literally fixed her,and Kara was safely back by her side,where she should've always been.

* * *

 "So I said:look it's clear she's feeding off electricity in that place,and there she was.They brought in a team,and almost got themselves killed,thank the Lord you tipped me off about it."

"You're welcome.I met Livewire last year,thought they had thrown the key away for good"

Maggie laughed and entertwined their arms more tightly.

National City was full of beautiful gardens,and as soon as she had gotten tired to be coped up in bed,Alex had asked her to take a walk at the gardens.It was no proper date,but an anticipation of something they could've had pretty soon.After three days of being on the verge of death,Maggie had put her on bed rest for the following four in case of sickness trains.She had totally lost it,while trying to not get undeservingly mad at her girlfriend and Maggie had complied to helping her up on day 8 so she could walk by herself after an entire week of bed rest.Her legs had felt like jell-o,caved under her,like a child learning to walk for the first time.

_"Why can't I?"_

_"Alex,you need to heal you know that"_

She had heard the words so many times,they had almost hurt.More because of herself,never because of Maggie. The detective had stayed with her all the way,and the warrior still didn't know how to explain such devotion to herself when they had known each other for such a short period of time.

Needless to say,she had felt useless and ashamed when Maggie had had to help her back into bed and it had been easier to her,than it would've been before Alex got sick,had they been in a relationship back then.

Another week at home.Another week around the house trying to regain balance,bearings,and some weight.

It had made her crazy.It had pained her greatly. She knew how to get around,but throughout those days her bones had felt all broken,and it had turned more into dragging than walking for real.

Alex stopped for a minute.

"Are you okay?"

"Can we sit down?It's spinning all around"she was truly feeling dizzy.

Maggie helped her down and sat by her side,as she leaned her temporary cane on the bench.

She still found it hard to get around,even after two weeks.

"I wonder when this will be alright again. I mean,I'm not being very useful,why are you still here?You don't have to..."

"Alex"

"I put you through this,I made your life so much harder.I don't even know when I'll be fully recovered."

"Alex"Maggie went to grab her hand and caressed it softly with her thumb.

"You're the strongest person I know.Come hell on earth,you'll get through this. And I don't mean to let go of you,not a chance at all.Not now that I've found you."

Alex's smile was enough of an answer to fill up her heart with gratitude towards whoever had blessed her with the gift of having the other woman's presence in her life.

* * *

Meanwhile,Kara had walked slightly further into the gardens.She liked to hide behind trees or twirl around them.She could hear birds singing,they could make up the most beautiful tunes. They could tell things,things humans would unfortunately never hear.

She could've told Alex all about it,as she usually did.

But her attention was totally stolen by something else.

Emerald.

 Kara walked towards it,absolutely enchanted by it,and sat on the bench.

She was here,and Kara couldn't find the words.They were all jumbled up in her head.

_I see you in my dreams...see emerald fields._

She hid behind her glasses and headphones.

Emerald turned....she had said something,something Kara couldn't answer to.

For once her mind suggested her to do the contrary of what she usually did,and she took them off to listen.

"I'm Lena"

" _Kara"_ she signed,before looking aside again.

_She had beautiful emerald eyes._

_Le-na. It had a ring to it._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Yay finally a glimpse of Lena,and Alex is recovering everyday more.What's to come next for our heroes?  
> -I actually have this headcanon that Maggie has a lot of nicknames for Kara,one of those is "Mini Danvers"


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie visit the apartment;evil plans start stirring up on the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,I apologize for the delay in updating,it has been two crazy months(for Sanvers as well),but here we go again...

Kara truly was something. In the sense that Lena knew that communication might have been hard,but she had taken her time and had quickly learned to sign just for the younger girl. Kara was as she had been told:a true hurricane. 

For the love of herself she couldn't understand why anybody would want to hurt her

Not that she didn't feel guilty.

She had heard about what had happened to her sister,by mother herself.Lena wished she hadn't been employed for this.She wasn't one of them,she didn't want to destroy the kryptonian,or any alien for the matter.If not she liked the positive diversity they brought to the world.They weren't all set on conquering earth as mother thought.

Ever since she had been told what her mission would've been,she had thought of the young alien.Wondered what she must have been like.She hadn't been wrong to think she was beautiful from the inside out.

Lena just wished they hadn't been dealing with Cadmus.

* * *

 

Try as she might,Alex couldn't avoid being sad. That house had been theirs for a long time.They had been happy.As shitty as it might look from the outside,to people who didn't know it,they had been happy.They had joked,they had smiled,they had had long nights awake inside of that apartment.

She looked around herself,and sighed.

Then felt strong arms enveloping her,as she relaxed into them. 

Maggie.

"I get it. If you don't want to..."

"We've been discovered...we can't keep on staying here,they'll still look for us,no matter what".

Maggie understood.Not the alien hunt which had been unleashed upon them.She would've never understood how people could be so evil,but she could understand the pain of leaving a place you had felt safe into.She had felt safe inside of her hom e for 14 years.Then she had been shown,she should've never felt so,at all.It had hurt,bad.But she couldn't let Alex hurt this way as well.This house had been her home.Dangerous neighboor and everything.

"I'll help you pack things up,you won't have to do this alone."

After a few days,she had actually asked Alex to come live with her.

Maggie knew it might have been a bit to soon into their relationship,but there was nowehere else she wanted her girlfriend to be. She couldn't let her out of her sight.

She opened up the empty box and started with the living room.They sorta were lucky it was tiny.Maggie still didn't want Alex to get too tired.

They gathered any kind of stuff.Clothes,weapons,forniture(the few Alex had),pictures.Anything that was hers and Kara's.

By the evening everything Alex had was in boxes.

Her whole life was inside of those boxes,and they weren't even many.

She had left lots of things in Midvale,God knew how many things were still there rotting,but this was even worse.She had made this house from nothing.Alex had been the one to fix it and convert it to make sure it was safe for Kara,and herself somehow.It was the first house where she had lived alone,with her sister as her only company.

Maggie grabbed her shoulder and squeezed it lightly.

"I am gonna miss this place too,you know?"

Alex bursted into laughters.Leave Maggie to make her laugh at the whole situation.

"But you only saw the worst of it,I had literally just made a hole in the wall the first time you came in here."

"Still very beautiful,honey"

"Get out,Sawyer!"she added laughing at their little banter.

Among the pain and the fights of the last month they had managed to find some ray of sun shining through the darkness.

Alex had never dared to hope a lot,but she really didn't mind her new normal.

* * *

Cadmus was in half a chaos. With the fact that Alex Danvers had survived,they needed another plan.

Metallo,was a good chance to show the Danvers who truly ruled.They were homeless,they were lacking the smallest of means to actually fight them back,and Lilian Luthor was sure this could've been another step into winning.

Ever since her Lex had been taken away she had dreamed with getting revenge on Kara Zor-El,and her whole family.

They hadn't however expected that other group of aliens to appear. They had come out of nowhere,and her own  had been surprised.One of hers had managed to land the injuring blow,even though without killing.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanvers face Metallo,Alex crosses the line...and feels like she might not be forgivable this time around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowsees,me again.It has been a bit right?So let's get back in the game.  
> I've seen everything that has happened recently,the sdcc debacle,the rumors about Maggie,and it hurts quite a bit,it hurt like hell,but writing fics is entering a world,where you can change things,give characters a more defined shape and also share a passion with other fans,be creative.I love you all,and remember that if you have an idea you should share it with us.Your idea matters guys.  
> This is why I'll be here,to keep on writing and I'm happy when you read and share what you think about my stories with me.We share a bond,that's for sure.

"There's too much kryptonite down here"

Metallo was by far,pure hell. A nightmare.

Alex had been waiting for the usual men in black to show up,but she knew there was no such luck more than twice.

They had met him by chance.

The last few days had been just fine,if not for the little mess caused by moving everything she and Kara had left to Maggie's house.

Maggie unloaded her bullets on him,but the man seemed to be made of stone.

"It's not enough,we need something more"

They hid in a hallway as the man looked for them. It was clear somebody had modified him. Maggie working for NCPD had heard quite a lot about people like Metallo and sightings of those,but she still couldn't wrap her mind around the idea that some people might so evil as to do this to another human being,to turn him into something horrible he had never been in it's life.

"What are you thinking about,Sawyer?"

"All business no fun,mm?"

"I feel pretty threatened right now."

"He got kryptonite,it's like...everything...it's the core"

"I got an idea Maggie,I just need them to not get to Kara"

"As if we didn't have enough on the bounty plate already"

"Kara might not be able to use her powers the right way,but she's like a prize.We got two bounties now".

"I'm covering you Al,tell me what to do"

Maggie went to cover the area around her house while Alex stepped forth. She had lost whatever equipment she had had when the first apartment had been trashed,so she took cover around the corner,behind a wall.

Metallo shot at her and she stepped forth through the shots before getting to him. 

She engaged a fight with him as much as she could.

He parried several,before she thought of keeing and plunging her hand inside of his chest.

He screamed till she hadn't ripped it completely out. Then he fell to the ground,looking up at her lifelessly.

Alex knew they needed to "hit the road" before anybody else had noticed them,but she couldn't avoid feeling disheartened as she looked down at him.

"Alex..we need to go"

Maggie dragged her back into what was now their house.

In the few days they had officially moved in things had been improved them and her sister and also been Kara proofed.

Alex grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch.

"I don't even know what I m doing."

Maggie bent in front of her,putting her hands to her knees.

"You're starting from zero,Alex.That's not meant to be easy.But you ought to stop thinking you're a burden,you need to stop thinkin you don't deserve anybody's help".

* * *

 

A few days later found Alex being much calmer.Staying with Maggie had made her way calmer.It had been so long since she had felt so safe.

"I met a girl with emerald eyes."told her Kara in the middle of the evening. 

Alex was used to these streams of thought by now. Kara's were pretty creative,and she wasn't about to stop her,not really.

"Yeah?What's her name?"

"Mmmm"

"Kiddo,you asked her,right?"Kara had struggled a lot to make a couple of friends through the years,or acquaintances,but she had never managed to stay in contact cause they'd usually have no way to find them again. Kara would never ask for their names,but she'd always have something nice to say about them. The girl had to have really pretty eyes.

"Kara,did you ask her?"

"Le-na"

Then she ducked her head into her legs.

"She nice...me taught her some signs"

"She learned signs for you?"Kara nodded,blushing. Alex smiled at her embarassment.Shy and still so fearful,but at least she seemed to have met somebody nice along the way finally. Alex didn't have any,but she really ddn't care,all she needed she had.

"Luthor"

"What?What do you mean?"

"Her name"

A hadn't seen Clark in a very long time. Really he had come once when they had found Kara,but left as he had come. He really didn't care about them,but Alex would've been happy with him just caring about Kara. He seemed to entertain the idea that since Kara had "come out wrong"his words,she really didn't deserve his attention.

There was only one thing that the two of them shared.

Their distrust over Luthors. Alex had never met one in person,but she knew about Lex...she knew what awful things he had done. Lena had to be no different,there could've been no other reason as to why she had so "happily befriended" her baby sister.

 "Nah...you...she's dangerous.."

"She was nice to me"

"Her brother is in prison...he doesn't care about anything but himself,but destroyin people's lives. It's just a bait"

Alex was aware of being the one who was slowly losing control. But she had worked so hard to keep them safe up till now,that she was terrified to know that somebody might be trying to destroy them from within,asides from using her harmless sister as a bait to hurt them both.

"I wanna see her again"slurred out Kara.

"Not a chance in hell"

"But..."

"They're gonna hurt you,they're gonna take you away...god I try I try so fucking hard...Can you just help me for once?Can you just not screw this up as well?"she screamed.

But noticed her mistake as soon as the words were out of her mouth.Then she felt like the weight of the whole world was crushing her chest.

She had chosen to do this,she had chosen the street life...she was so selfish she had even chosen it for the one person in the world she had still left at the time.

She had forced Kara to sleep in warehouses and dark hallways,and a car. She had forced her to live a life of running,and hot meals only when they got lucky enough to get to the shelter in time.That shit was on the other side of the city,and she wasn't about to let Kara use her superspeed and get them discovered or found.

Kara looked at her with wide eyes full of tears,then muttered the words which would've destroyed Alex completely.

"I hate you"before making sure to lock herself into her room,the free one in the apartment they had decorated all together,Maggie too. The brightest of the house.

And Alext felt like she had just turned off the sun.

"I hate myself too."not a doubt about that.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's escapade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Poor Ally keeps on hurting,but angst is angst. ='(  
> -I love Sanvers,and I won't stop writing about those two beauties together.They're meant to be.

_I hate you._

_I hate you._

_I hate you._

She couldn't stop thinkin of those words.

She had gone to bed and Kara still hadn't left her room. She had thought of knocking,but Alex knew what it was like when her little sister was mad. It was better to not bother her. Most of the times Kara would just shout out without really recognizing if she had said something wrong,however,Alex would always be understanding. 

Kara had never voiced what she truly thought of her. Kara had never told her she hated her.

Sure at first,when times were easier,it had been spoken,but fighting as sisters...however she had never told her with so much spite..with the true tone she should've used all those times.

Now she knew the truth.It stung,but it was better this way.

When she had woken up she was confident that that was the first truth which had been spoken to her in the last six years,ever since her mother had been killed.

_I hate you._

_I hate you._

_I hate you._

She had not done enough.She had put Kara through lots of unnecessary stress. She could've been with a nice family taking care of her right now,rather than with her good for nothing drunk sister. She could've been with a family capable of taking care of her,of her needs,not a sister who struggled with herself.Not a sister who wasn't capable of taking care of herself.Least of all Kara.

_I hate you_

Alex took the next swing of whiskey and took a look at the door. Maggie was gonna be back in a bit,and she wasn't gonna be happy. Not one bit.

She stood up from one of the kitchen's stools,swaying a bit,and waited for the sound of the key in the hole. She had learned it by memory,by now.

Maggie came in,took off her NCPD jacket and put away the gun,before looking up.

She looked a bit taken back,before making a quick survey of what was missing from her cabinet,and the open fridge.

Several beers,a bottle of wine and some very good burbon whiskey.If she had had enough time,Maggie was sure Alex would've found out where she had hidden all the Jack Daniels. To her they were mostly decorative,but she could however enjoy a drink at times. Alex,she knew the problem was different. 

She knew she couldn't have just screamed at her. Alex didn't need her screaming at her...she could already sense something had happened,or her girlfriend wouldn't have been drinking so much. She wouldn't have been on the verge of falling to the floor,with her face so pale and her body so intoxicated that no matter how much alcohol she could hold,Maggie was sure she could've been one step too close to getting alcohol poisoning.

However she couldn't avoid thinking about what came with it.Alex was not an angry drunk,angry at anybody that wasn't herself. Drunk Alex was only ever angry at herself,and would usually wallow into self deprecation.

"Hey...babeeeeee"

Maggie walked up to her and let Alex lean on her.

"Alex what happened..."

Alex shrugged then pouted,before turning away from her. She burst into a derisively laughter,swaying again.

"I...thought...I thought...ssshit I forgot..."She stumbled towards Kara's bedroom's door and slammed her hand on it.

"Karaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Maggie run towards her and grabbed her by the waist,but Alex kept on slamming her hand on the door. The cop was almost afraid she could've done some damage had she slammed it any harder.

"C'mon Alex,you're not thinkin straight"

"SSure I don't...babe...you look g-grate?Grate...you're great today."

Alex wriggled herself from her arms and slammed her body into the door,she could've easily passed as a cop trying to break through a door,although it looked more like she was trying to hurt herself.

"Alex...you're gonna hurt yourself".

The other woman didn't listen to her and kept on raining punches on the door,so much her knuckles were starting to bleed. Maggie could've easily prayed her away from it,but instead she found her eyes filling with tears as her punches became weaker and her sobs grew louder.

"I let her down....she hates me...she hates me,Maggie".

"Who?Kara...honey,there's nobody in this world who loves you more."

"She told me...I asked her...to not see that Luthor girl...she hates me."

Maggie hugged her,and Alex gripped onto her.

"Please...please help me"it sounded a lot like when Alex had asked her for help the first time.

The cop stood up and walked towards the door before opening it...Kara had talked to her,maybe she could've convinced her to come out and helped the two sisters make up.

She opened it slowly but when she came in she realized there was no Kara. She was nowhere to be found. Maggie found herself panicking for the first time since she had walked into her apartment.

"She's not here...she's not here". Kara was prone to the whole escaping thing. They both knew that.

"She's not here,Alex..."but nobody answered her.

Maggie turned around and sure enough Alex had fallen asleep on the floor,probably hadn't even heard her. She knew what they were in for in the morning.And it was gonna be pretty ugly.

* * *

 

When she woke up she barely had the time to look beside herself before seeing the other figure in her bed making a beline for the toilet. 

Maggie sighed. 

She stood up and headed towards the bathroom,finding Alex throwing her insides up.

Her entire body was wrecked by tremors,she was pale and trembling.

Maggie tied her hair and held her very heated forehead,the cool soothed her a bit,but she couldn't seem to calm down.

She shouldn't have drunk so much last night.

Maggie really didn't count how long they were in there,but by the time they were finished Alex couldn't even stand on her feet anymore,and she was still very pale.

The cop grabbed her and eased her up with some struggle before carrying her back to their room. She undressed her till only living her in her underclothes and stepped back into bed. She couldn't tell her about Kara,and she couldn't call any of her collegues to help her.That was not helpful. It meant working all by herself all over again.

* * *

 J'onn had had plenty of times to think of how things had gone awry(things went awry he couldn't kieep up with the sisters.

He hadn't exactly been good at protecting anybody. He had been asked by Jeremiah to help his girls,but lost their traces as soon as Eliza had died.

Alex and Kara had fleed their home and he couldn't believe that he had lost their traces. The kids had outsmarted him. He had never doubted she they could've.

He didn't even know the aliens they were around to,though he had asked around...sent his best agents...and whoever knew hadn't really talked. They were close knit. They were the family they had been raised into. He wished he could've been there,he hadn't kept his promises,but now he had a lead...he wasn't gonna waste it.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara finds herself all alone,looking for help.  
> Maggie and Alex set out to find her.

Quietly they observed each other.

Alex hadn't spoken a word ever since she had gotten better from her hangover.

She had spied more defeat in them than ever.

Aliens they could do, feelings sometimes were hard to talk about.

Maggie liked to think they had both opened up ever since they had met, but she was aware they were things that still stung too much to talk about.

So she had set out on finding out where Kara might be all by herself.

The cop was just waiting for her girlfriend to come down from her self pity high, and concretely help her.

She listened quietly as Alex came to sit by her side, and scrolled through her phone.

"What? I'm helping..."

Maggie looked at her with a "care to explain" look.

"A few years back, I came up with a little device to make sure I shall always know where my sister was....just in case,like this one. It's in her glasses. If I could've attended any sort of college it would look pretty obsolete I'm sure,but all I know is what I learned from interacting with Kara. As far as biology is concerned I studied Clark's old files..."

"It's quite the research..."

"I had to...well somehow..I came up with this little device, shrunk it, and well there it is...I'm just worried about what we might find out".

"Alex, is there something you might want to tell me...?"

The other woman grabbed her hand and held it tightly.

"Maggie.. I'm not good"

"Al, I've already told you..it doesn't matter...I..."

"Please...let me explain..."

The NCPD brushed her thumb over Alex's hand and nodded for her to continue.

"Maggie, I'm sick. That's not okay. It's not life. What I did yesterday..I totally lost it. I'd like to try..really try to deal with my issue. I need to do this for Kara and I need to do this for you, because you don't deserve to have a drunk ass for a girlfriend. I don't wish to die, and I don't want a day to come when I ll end up hurting any of you..."

Maggie smiled softly at her, and stroked her cheek.

"You re wonderful Alex Danvers" added Maggie kissing her forehead softly.

Alex shook her head, once again looking down, defeated.

_Someday you'll believe it too._

* * *

 

Lena had been sitting for quite some time with Kara.

Although she could've cut the silence with a knife she stayed there wondering what the other girl was thinking about.

She was crying. Softly, but it was clear that something had happened.

Lena was willing to bet it had something to do with her sister. 

She wished she hadn't had to know so much about Kara's family, but whereas she had once thought herself bound to what her mother wanted, Lena was willing to believe there was a chance to help Kara, maybe do it quietly so that nobody could've noticed and put them both in unnecessary danger.

She only needed to make sure that her mother wouldn't have noticed who she was hiding from her.

Many things could've gone wrong.

Kara wasn't just hiding from people who wanted to study her and have her powers, but she was also "hiding" from society, under another name, under plenty of pretenses, if law had found her, Alex could've easily ended up in jail.

Only  an year more and she would've been 18.

Lena wondered if Kara was aware to be so close to having a normal life again. She could only imagine Alex did, for Kara, no matter the fact they hadn't known each other for a very long time, Kara had relied to her a lot of things about her older sister, in a way she was sure she had only ever done with her sister.

"Kara, I need to take you back, I can't risk my mother finding you..."

"What did you just say, honey?"

Lena froze and spun around, as her mother appeared on the door, glaring at them with cold eyes and an evil smirk on her face.

A chill ran down her spine as she tried to find a way out, she knew to not exist.

Her mother entered the room, drawing closer to them in a predatory way, looking at Kara as if she had found the gold she was looking for like old gold diggers in the west.

To Lena, Kara had quickly become the most special thing, and she wasn't willing to let her slip away.

She knew what her mother did, way more than the woman thought, and she wasn't about to let her touch someone as special as Kara.

Lena was willing to take anything in her place, but she would've let no harm come to Kara.

Not at all.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex struggles with not knowing where Kara is.  
> Kara's still nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people, how are you all?I apologize for the superdelay, life gets in the way of writing from time to time, but I've not forgotten about this journey so here I am takin the next leg of it with you.

A lot of foes later, between which Metallo and a run in with some sort of alien deportation of unknown origin, Alex and Maggie could say once again they had obtained nothing from their search.

A lot of things were happening around them, but they still were in the dark of the source behind those.

It felt as if Kara had been swallowed from the earth.

Between self pity and anger Alex had chosen to stay focused on the task at hand, but she still couldn't believe how much she had hurt her sister.

She hadn't been able to find her. It was the worst betrayal from a sister to another.

She could only sit on her bike, thinking, trying to understand where the hell things had gone wrong.

The exact moment in which things had turned upside down, changed for the worse, even though for one second they had had the chance to breathe, though funnily enough it had happened mostly while she was dying.

She'd think of why she had let things go down so fast.

Alex looked up, towards Maggie's apartment.

It was all lights out, but she could imagine her girlfriend's silhouette on their now shared bed, imagine being by her, lying in her arms, spooning at turns.

It had been sitting right on her chest.

Even more as she looked down at the things in her hand.

Just a few days... it was all the time her promise had lasted.

She would've never wanted to hurt Maggie or Kara, but she resolved that as selfish as it felt or might have looked, she was doing everybody a favor.

She slipped into the apartment, careful to not wake Maggie up, before leaving a soft kiss on her forehead.

Alex sat there, just watching.

Thought of the things she wante to have with Maggie.

Things she had thought to be impossible for her up till a few months prior.

Things she wanted to tell her.

She hoped all along the other woman wouldn't have woken up.

It was a skill to gain on the road, to be fast and most of the times slip out of places or situations invisible to others.

To her it had come easy.

Alex had chosen to make herself invisible and throughout the years she had worked hard to succeed at it.

"I love you"

Alex came back down and looked once more at the bags hanging from her bike.

She turned it on, without letting it roar as usual and left.

At the edge of the place where the newly made, decent apartments were.

Between the good side of town where Maggie lived and the old,falling apart one, where Alex had left part of her heart, she stopped.

Black circles around her eyes, red and swollen with tears she clutched the only picture she had of the three of them together.

Her alcohol fogged brain couldn't look beyond that night.

No stars, lights were flickering on the road, they looked broken...it was late enough that the whole road was showered into darkness.

If Kara had been swallowed by earth, she'd love to be swallowed by the shadows surrounding her, enough that the road was barely visible in front of her.

She had fixed things the best way she could've, with whatever she had.

She had run back all the way to Midvale in mere hours last Sunday, without telling her girlfriend, to gather up the money which had been hidden before her mother died.

She had asked several aliens they had met along the way to look for Kara.

They were fond of them, they had watched them struggle on the road.

Alex had even had to resort to stealing at some point, and selling of whatever had been stolen,but they had never looked at her from upside down.

They hadn't even asked her to sell drugs, the usual ones and some substances she had imagined being the same as drugs for aliens.

Only to carry some from a place to another, sometimes.

She was aware it hadn't been the highest moment in her life, even if she prided herself with at least having never tried.

Drinking...it was usual, it had helped her forget...it wasn't much better than drugs... she knew that too.

But those aliens...

They knew what it felt like, to be frowned upon, to be looked at as the pity cases, the immigrants... the people nobody else wanted.

Alex realized in that moment how fucked up it was that stealing and selling, carrying and living on the road had been the norm to her.

She had thought many times of what would've been once Kara had come of age.

It would've been a new life, almost surely new names, new identities, and finally somebody to care for them.

She felt disgusted by herself.

Yet...

_I was a child, I was a freaking child. I knew no better. I had nothing better. I was hurting. We were lost._

_We were so lost._

Alex sprung the bike back to life and took another drink from her bottle, sniffling.

She looked and felt pitiful...

It was pretty simple.... she didn't know where, not even how, and mostly she needed a reason to actually do otherwise, yet try as she might, and she finally had some reasons to survive, she couldn't... she couldn't live with the guilt.

An entire month without her sister.

Without...the one person she had sworn to protect with her life...the last promise she had ever made her mother....

Even the morning she had unknowingly said goodbye to her before leaving for school with Kara right besides her...it had been unspoken...

Ever since her sister had come into their lives...she had been made to promise...that whatever had come their way...Alex would've always stepped forward, been smarter, faster, enough to keep Kara safe.

She had failed the most important person in her life.

Her vision blurred, her reflexes slowed, she was aware there was something deeply twisted inside of her.

Alex felt as if even her body was giving up on her.

She knew what it felt like to not be in control, the memory of her sickness still fresh in her mind.

Yet nothing was like feeling numb and guilty at the same time, being bothered by something and at the same time feeling like giving up all together.

The warrior had pondered it for quite a bit, and she hadn't been able to avoid leaving something for Maggie.

Do it the right way, even if she felt like the most selfish person in the world. Who was she to bail on the young officer?

Her girlfriend had spent long months taking care of her, for Christ sake that woman had spent an entire month helping her recover from a deadly poison, and still Alex wouldn't dare to say the truth.

That she had always felt as if she were living on borrowed time, one step closer to leaving forever, each day more.

Alex hadn't dared to tell Maggie that for a bit now all she had been thinkin about was nothing but ending it.

Doing it for good. 

She had spent an entire evening writing notes to leave behind for her girlfriend.

For her and Kara, whom she was confident Maggie would've managed to find by herself, rather than with a living burden by her side, no matter if she had repeated it plenty of times to her that she wasn't a burden.

Alex would never believe otherwise.

People should've looked at Kara with pity for the burden her older sister was, not the other way around.

People should've been able to see how good and kind Kara was, rather than having to talk to her.

People should've gotten to love Kara and not cared for her.

People should've taken care of Kara's issues and illness, not her fucked up mind, her broken soul and heart and the horrible scars marrying her whole body.

Yet, she would've taken the same steps again, but faster, lighter, she'd have walked and worked twice as hard, so that things could've worked out the right way.

Lighter.

Faster.

More than light...if she'd ever see it again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Alex and Kara are four years apart.The former is 21,while the latter is 17.  
> Angst is my husband,we're married(have been for the last 3 years) and going strong.XD  
> The song I refer to is by an italian songwriter and singer,whom I'm pretty sure you've heard of, who has a true international sound to herself.


End file.
